Within each of us, there is a longing, which draws us beyond ourselves. We reach out to something that calls on us. There is a sense of belonging to something that is greater, something or someone, which gives our lives meaning. However, things happen and one wonders.

Mystery is not something that can be made simple. It is not something that can truly be comprehended. And here is where our search for the unknowable God, which we believe in, runs into difficulty.

I have tried in this work to write my experience of being alleged of sex abuse and what the Catholic Church hierarchy undertook in my particulars as Pastor and ministry.

By this, I mean that I will use my personal journal, interviews, and printed material that I collected in the period beginning in 1993.

Different people choose different ways of interacting. I have tried thru this work to keep my hand on the rudder and watch the sail of the boat on the sea of life. It was like watching the water and the waves were becoming larger. They began to splash.  Then, the hurricane hit with full force. Immediately after this the fog rolled-in.

My thesis is simple: The shift from different phases of my experiences and what I viewed had been happening in a mystery.

The great strength of personal analysis is the ability to uncover precise and long-term changes, which I attempted to explain.

It is especially helpful in the long term to reflect and review what has happened and possibly may be happening in my area of experience of the Catholic Church and culture that I live in.

My purpose throughout is to explain, as best that I may, with what I read, heard and experienced. I have through combining broad generalization, often supported by good and use statistical and other data, with character sketches of significant figures.

I began writing this text some ten years after the initial beginning of writing a journal on my experience of being called into the Chancery concerning allegations against me. It has been of help to develop many interesting and key insights that I had no idea about when this began.

This book (Two Volumes) could not have been written without the resources available and the community I experienced.

My basic material is from my diary, articles and letter files. This was arraigned in a chronological order of 1993 with each successive year.

Previous to this I read a number of articles concerning the priesthood. There was in 1990 “A Question of Disillusionment: Sexual Abuse Among the Clergy-Careful and detailed diagnosis is the single most important factor in coming to increased understanding of this problem facing the church.1 Then in 1992 America magazine printed “Priests and Pedophilia: A Silence That Needs Breaking?”2 On November 19, 1992 The Worcester Telegram reported “Priest solicitation case dismissal motion denied.”3 But, the one that opened my eyes about a “dragnet going through the water” was “Accusations roil Worcester Diocese: Sex Allegations against seven priests are reassign questions of trust,” in The Boston Globe dated February 8, 1993.4

I was called into the Chancery Building on March 3, 1993.

         So many people have been very congenial and encouraging.

Finally, I have also tried to construct a brief guide for those who may wish to pursue further the issues that I have discovered. There, always, is a need to ask questions. The point of attempting to know what is going on is one of the issues that all should attempt in their lives. This has been what I have tried to accomplish in this work of breaking open the mystery.

I never realized in my ordination to the Presbyter (Priesthood) how much examination was needed of the clergy culture. The Hierarchical clergy and the “lower level” clergy culture being so heavily shrouded in secrecy and wrapped in layers of protection from accountability of any sort was not in my view. Besides this, there was a Bourdon Kingship in the priesthood that was very well insulated with a “different” orientation prevailing as hardening of wax as time evolved.

I deal daily, because of this, with worry, stress and grief.  Besides this, I have a desire of hope with my life journey equally being the lament of personal feeling of independence versus the feeling of isolation, unsupported, vulnerable to exploiters and bullies.

This illuminates many issues.

That’s my story. I’m sticking to it.