2003

(Have a Hopeful Outlook)

January 1, 2003

            “This is he day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad!” This was the beginning chant of the Sunday morning Orthodox worship at 6:00 a.m. on WTAG-AM Worcester. It was an excellent way that I began my Sundays and this was the new year which I thought and made my prayer on awaking and encountering each day. 

January 2, 2003

            I watched on C-Span a program which had a panel on Vietnam writings especially Tim O’Brien who wrote July, July. O’Brien said he writes about feelings and was the only non-historian sitting on the panel at this time O’Brien was introduced as being qualifies because of his “story techniques.” After watching this program, I hoped to add more of my feelings and insights that I was experiencing.

            Another point watching this program that a writer should produce tow pages a day. This was another goal that I set for myself from this day.

            I was thinking of writing a book entitled Twelve Steps for My Bishop: Insights from One of His Priest. One question that I would include what how the Bishop Rueger’s case got shuffled under like a deck of cards. Rueger has smoking mirrors in his case, but was proclaimed “immaculate.” This may have been my time of writing to be aggressive, sarcastic, and brilliant and at a point of being humorous.

            In my spiritual reading this day from Teaching the Dead Bird to Sing by W. Paul Jones on page 151 had me contemplating: “In delving into the complexity of human motivations, I tremble at the deviousness of my own behavior. As Reinhold Niebubr insists my uniqueness, as a human is my ability for self-transcendence, which provides the possibility of creativity, freedom and conscience. And yet this uniqueness to which I am called can also be my undoing. Just thinking about al this is wearing and frightening.”

            This was something I had with me in my three mile walk this day in the afternoon.

            This was also the year that I thought it was time “explore a few verbal grenades” about being pointed and number of issues by the hierarchy, clergy and laypeople. There was now a day where we lived in an “obsessive” culture for a makeover and re-branding that was appearing in this world of the day. Groups need to see themselves trying to re-invent themselves with “image obsession” with nothing else to add to society. Other people were their targets so that certain rights groups needed a life. Witch-hunters were more their identification.

            Beginning the year, Kathleen A. Shaw gives us this day “Clergy sex scandal may intensify in ’03: More revelations as legal process proceeds” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette.  She writes: “Worcester-The scandal involving sexual misconduct by Catholic priests will not be going always anytime son. If anything, the revelations will be intensifying in this area during 2003, according to Boston lawyer Carmen L. Durso, who represents several clients in civil suits involving priests of in the Worcester catholic Diocese. Daniel J. Shea, of Houston, who is also handling civil suits in this area, including one against Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger, said he expects more information about sex abuse scandal to come out as lawyers begin the discovery process in their civil suits. Mr. Durso said he hope the state legislature passes a proposal law abolishing the statue of limitations for child sexual abuse in civil and criminal cases and abolishes the ‘charitable immunity’ protection that has allowed ‘certain favored institutions’ to avoid paying hefty settlements. Seven priests were removed from ministry during 2002 by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly after allegations of sexual misconduct were added and another is on personal leave after a civil suit was filed naming him as an abuser. The Worcester diocese currently is facing several civil suits alleging sexual abuse by priests and one suit alleging rape and sexual abuse by Bishop Rueger, who denies the charges…Some have called 2002 the ‘annus horriblis’ for the Catholic church as revelation after revelation came out of Boston, eventually forcing the resignation of cardinal Bernard F. Law as head of the archdiocese. The sandal by year’s end reached around the world...”1

            Obviously, this will be a media year to watch and roll besides the church and other issues. 

January 3, 2003           

            I was having coffee with "Father Peacock" this morning and he told me that he was not going to attend the next Deanery Meeting (area clergy) because of the agenda: Lay people. I, only, gave him a look because of his clericalism attitude and elitism. With that look, I knew he would react and he did. He slipped in the conversation that SNAP was attacking Bishop Dupree in Springfield on supporting of his laicized priest. "Father Peacock" was rambling and in general manner dumping on people in the diocese and his parish. It was sad to listen to such a person doing this. What I noticed in myself that I had to watch his technique of attempting to draw me in to say or comment to what I was hearing or anything else. The example that I wondered about his story of a mother asked him to speak to her son about a girlfriend. The language he used pertaining to this boy-girl relationship had me wondering if it even happened.  All I did was the silence technique and “down periscope.” I learned he was a person that had to be in total control and showed a deceiving nature about him.

            At time being with "Father Peacock" reminded me of how one time that Bishop Harrington told a priest friend: “If I told the guys what it really likes, we would not get anyone (become a priest).

            At this time "Father Peacock" continued with his anger to an unbelievable ranting in that he had not received the newspaper for two day because of a storm, he had to add that the delivery is made by a Blackman from Gardner. I only said: “Oh!” I said he only had to call the newspaper and report this. He wined how he to find out about funerals, wakes and other information was. I responded with: It is all on the internet.  He used this to sting back with that he has no computer or know anything about it. He did not get any sympathy or consolation from this guy.

            I had to hear from "Father Peacock" that in the English speaking world last year the news of sex abuse scandal was an eclipse of the sun. Not much else was reported in the church but the scandal.

            This day, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette printed “Systematic problems led to abuse by priest.” Ricard L. Cravatt, who wrote this article has a Ph.D., of Weston writes frequently on law, finance and public policy issues: “While resignation of Boston Cardinal Bernard F. Law has brought closure to one aspect of the Catholic Church’s widening child-abuse scandal, it still leave unanswered and troubling questions about the psychology of the perpetrators and those churchliness who ignored and enabled their criminal actions. What is it about the Church that attracted the many priests who would go on to sexually abuse hundred of pre- and post-pubescent children? What oral machinations specific to the church could allow the serial complicity of the church hierarchy who ignoring wrongdoing and shuffled offending priests from parish to parish? The first critical question is whether the very process of accepting celibacy and entering the priesthood at an emotionally immature age predispose priests to conflicting notions about human sexuality-whether according to Gary Wills in his insightful book, ‘Papal Sin,’ ‘the celibate discipline for a whole class of men ‘not just for the spiritually gifted individual) is a false, because unrealizable ideal.’ According to observers, these are real issues, precisely because these individuals made immense decisions regarding their psychological and moral life at an early age and these decisions are not necessarily based on realist expectations…The church has a false sense of hope in controlling the psychosexual behavior of some priests. (Gary Wills) ‘Looking the other way is a deeply ingrained habit and necessity, a tactic of survival, for men whose lives are honeycombed with furtive acts,’ he suggested. ‘One’s own life, or that of one’s friends, or of people one must depend on, will not admit any very severe scrutiny. It would be dangerous-in terms of scandal and lay disappointment, for those being observant themselves-to let light flood the shadowy world of secrecy and evasion and mis-representation that is the priestly way of life.’” ”2

            One has to know that the priest life is the most scrutinized aspect of any life in this society. Besides parishioners watching what time the lights go out at night in the priest room and ho hangs around with whom, there is not much of a shadowy world.  

January 7, 2003

            I was thinking the last few days of “Remember When” I became pastor of St. Edward’s and I was immediately confronted by three parishioners after Mass that were member of the Women’s Guild. I was asked how I was going to run the parish. I thought this was a peculiar question so soon that my books were not even unpacked.  I explained that I believe I addressed this is my opening remarks on my installation. It was explained that I would use the model of a “baseball team: the pastor is the manager and parishioners are the players. I, actually, read this in a clergy newsletter for pastors. Well, on e these people said: We (The Guild) can get rid of the manager. I said that it is only possible by the bishop. The response from the same person was: We can take care of him, too. I knew my honeymoon was over. But, it was something to watch because this same person was planning to start a catering service and use the parish hall and kitchen for the business. There was an obvious a conflict of interest because a church-due to insurance-was not to be used for a private business. This party had the answer: Well, it is an opportunity for the parish to make some money. In addition, this party was going to have member of the Women’s Guild have a part time job in this catering business. I recall that I only walked away by saying nothing more.

            I recall this beginning of more to come especially with allegations by two girls some nine years later. One of these two girls was working with a parish member in a neighboring city. This parishioner was always trying to rum activities in the parish. Parishioners were very negative with him, which showed that he had no leadership skills and no overall team player qualities.

            In thinking back, this was only a warm-up of dealing with the Worcester Chancery-smoking gun of obstructions by them- and a civil lawsuit.   

January 8, 2003

            I had to real that I was dealing with a mental struggle with my living arrangements. I enjoyed having a place that I was able to call “my own,” but was concerned about a rent increase, moving and: worst case” scenario of be removed from the priesthood. This day a priest from Hartford called to inform me that the bishop of Bridgeport Diocese forced priest into laicization (out). This was where my anxiety was affecting that I would stop breath deeply and says a prayer: Come Holy Spirit or the Hail Mary. My day became better by having a regular daily routine-not sitting around. 

January 9, 2003

            I visited with Connie Rivard. She flared-up with the whole issue of St. Edward’s 50^th Anniversary celebration. She said: “You got an invitation? You did not want to go! John McKenna received Communion from me on Saturday.” I tried, again, to explain to Connie. I used the question-answer approach: Did you get a written invitation or not” Wrong question being asked, Connie.  Fr. Kilcoyne sent me an invitation. But, However, it was a situation that he knew the circumstances. The correct question that should have been asked: How does it really work in on this issue of such an invitation with my situation? Answer: The bishop is in charge with this situation. Therefore, I wanted to be present. Why John McKenna concelebrated is one for the books.

            This whole situation was how the chancery was handling me: Bouncing-off the ropes after a continuous pounding. 

January 10, 2003

            Fr. Richard McBrien writes in the National Catholic Reporter “Vatican remains suspicious of lay demands: Pressure from Boston clergy had more influence n Law’s decision to resign.” He writes: “The recent resignation of Cardinal Bernard Law as archbishop of Boston was the lead story in all of the major media outlets. What is its significance for Boston, for the Catholic church in the United States, and for the church universal? For Boston it means, first of all, a brief respite from the strain of an extremely tense yearlong crisis. So much time and energy has been focused over the past several months on Law himself rather than on the task of devising strategies for working through this crisis and for rebuilding trust and hope within the archdiocese. A spirit of demoralization had taken hold, not only among the laity but within the clergy as well…One would like to think that lay pressures were also decisive in bringing about the resignation and its acceptance by the pope, but the greater probability is that the laity’s role was less significant than the clergy’s The Vatican continues to be suspicious of lay demands for greater involvement in the internal governance of the church, not only with regard to finances but also the appointment of bishops and pastors. One of the key criticisms the Vatican registered against the charter on sexual abuse approved by the bishops in Dallas last June concerned the provision that granted lay review boards’ supervisory authority over the bishops. For the Vatican, this was incompatible with the church’s hierarchical structure and so it ordered this item to be amended at the November meeting of the bishops in Washington. As a result, the lay boards are to have only a consultative voice. The local bishop still has the final work…The spirit of automatic deference and unquestioning obedience based often n fear of reprisal, is on the wane.”3

            Here is the issue of “power and authority” and the “tightening of the wax” syndrome.

            This same day on the front-top page of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette we get “Diocese says $2M deficit not caused by abuse scandal.” It states: “The Roman Catholic Diocese of Worcester and its insurance companies have paid out more that $2.1 million to settle civil lawsuit alleging sexual abuse, dating back several years, according to a financial report released yesterday. Almost two-thirds of that amount was paid out by insurance companies. The diocese paid $764,833 form it own funds, while its insurance companies paid $1,384,000, based on their coverage at the time abuse allegedly happened, the report stated. The diocese yesterday reported a $2.2 million deficit in fiscal 2003, nearly four times the deficit it recorded the previous fiscal year. This year’s deficit, however, has little to do with the priest abuse scandal, according to the report.”4

            Then why did the writer of this article, Richard Nangle, write the beginning of the article about the diocese “paid out more than$2.1 million to settle civil lawsuits alleging sexual abuse…” My question is how many more people read much further than this?

            This is why an article of this day in the Catholic Free Press had “Catholic press need when Church scarred from crisis.” The article by Catholic News Service had the article from Ronkonkoma, N.Y.: “The Catholic press is needed more than ever today when the church is scarred by the bad news of clergy sexual abuse scandals, said tow bishops involved in church communication. In separate messages for catholic Press Month, observed in February, they praise the Catholic press for also reporting the god news about the church. ‘While pointing out the sins and crises of a few, you have also supported and pointed out the generous service of man,’ said Coadjutor Bishop Joseph A. Galante of Dallas, chairman of the U.S. bishops’ communication committee. Archbishop John P. Foley, the W.S. born president of the  Pontifical council for Social Communications, sad the Catholic press ‘remised Catholics that the bad news of clerical abuse was in no way the full story of the catholic Church in the United States.’”5

            Most people know the diocesan Catholic press as the bishops’ paper. As any newspaper, one should read such papers with a critical viewpoint-use of discernment. But, it is needed to get another viewpoint. So, what is truthful?

            This same issue of the Catholic Free Press had this article: “Bishop Dupre asks Vatican to laicize priest linked to sex abuse” by the catholic News Service. This article stated: “Springfield-In what may be one of the first actions of its type in the United States; the bishop of Springfield has petitioned the Vatican directly to forcibly laicize a priest implicated in dozens of cases of sexual misconduct. In interviews given during the November U.S. bishops’ meeting, Bishop Thomas L. Dupre said he intended to laicize Father Ricard R. Lavigne through an expedited administrative process encouraged by the recently approved U.S. canonical norms for sexual abuse of clerics. Speaking at a Jan. 3 prayer breakfast in Springfield, Bishop Dupre said a formal petition seeking the priest’s laicization had been mailed to Rome. ‘We are hoping that the Holy See will process the case quickly,’ he said. Father Lavigne was arrested in 1991 on five counts of rape and sexual abuse of children some of whom wee under the age 14 at the time of his offenses. He pleaded guilty to two counts in 1992, and was sentenced to 10 months full-time residence in the St. Luke Institute, now in Silver Springs, Md., and 10 years of heavily supervised probation…”6

            Another article in this same issue showed “1996 study says tow-fifths of nuns suffered from sexual abuse.” The article states: “Washington (CNS)-As many as tow-fifths of U.S. nuns may have experienced some form of sexual abuse as children or sexual abuse exploitation or harassment as adults, according to a national study conducted  by a team of specialists at St. Louis University. The team found that many nuns who experience with feelings of anger, shame, anxiety, confusion and depression and with difficulty in praying and difficulty in working. Some had considered leaving religious life or leaving the church following such an experience. The results of the study, conducted in 1996, we fully reported in tow scholarly professional journals in 1998 but did not receive wide public attention until the St. Louis Post Dispatch did a story on the study Jan.5.”6

            I immediately had questions if this was clergy related as being abused in the religious life or what? Actually, I never heard about this talking with clergy or anyone else. Were the religious sisters a Lost Island in the Church?

            Another article, I read this day-January 10^th-is “Sexuality set stage for church’s next reformation expert predicts” in the National Catholic Reporter. I should mention that on Friday’s I receive the Catholic Free Press and the National Catholic Reporter. Therefore, my days show these publications with church articles.

            This article from the National Catholic Reporter was about Richard Sipe input, written by Arthur Jones. The article stated: “W.W. Richard Sipe has a huge and quite haughty cat, Gwendolyn. She only reluctantly relinquished the spare chair in Sipe’s study. Martin Luther (1483-1546) was ore into dogs-and much on Sipe’s mind as he weighed the question: Given the uproar over the clerical sexual abuse scandal, and it’s mishandling, where is the Catholic Church now? Sipe, Benedictine, monk for 18 years, and then a married man for 32, in 1990 wrote The Secret World, an account of his 1960-85 research on celibacy.

            The former monk of St. John’s Abbey in Collegeville, Minn., was trained by the Benedictines to deal with the mental health problems of Roman Catholic priests and religious. He continued to do that after he left, and to teach in major Catholic seminaries declared ex-priests could not be on seminary faculties. He has been called as an expert witness in more than 95 civil suits over sex abuse. The cat, miffed, wandered off into the hall.

            ‘In what form I don’t know, but in 10 years there’ll be a reformation,’ he said, ‘a reformation in the sense that fundamental issues of human sexuality will have to be brought to the fore. In terms of human sexuality, the church is at a pre-Copernican stage of understanding’-a reference to 15^th century Catholic priest and astronomer Nicolas Copernicus, who resurrected, despite church opposition, the scientific theory of the sun rather than Earth as the center of the solar system.

            ‘The church has not come to understand the nature of sex,’ he said.’ And it’s not easily understood-we have to struggle along with the neurological, the genetic, the psychological, and the evolutionary basis of it.’ The church has not done that, Sipe said, and is frightened of doing it.”7

            This is where I would love to add to a board game that I should create: Rectory Living. The issue of human sexuality is such a taboo issue with the last papacy or any church official.

            I read in the Catholic Free Press where the issue of “Theology on Tap” was reported with Bishop Rueger being the guest. He alluded to sex abuse: “This garbage wakes us up and makes us accountable, he said. “If we were awake, the some of this scandal wouldn’t have happened. Above all, we are accountable to each other.” The paper said that there no questions about clerical sex abuse, but the bishop refered to it briefly where he talked about accountability. Bishop Rueger fielded question in everything from the importance of the sacraments to mythology in the Bible. There was a picture with Rueger in a re pullover sweater who look s very odd especially where he is 72 years old- Chancery Poster Boy.

            The Bishop Rueger style that I thought about was an Office Depot TV ad of a woman coming in the store, talking triple time of items to buy. She meets a salesman and picked=up the conversation into the same triple times talk. This was the real Rueger. 

January 11, 2003

            Richard Nangle writes in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Removed priest is still at church: Rev. Coonan apparently working at St. John.” He writes: “Worcester-The Rev. Joseph A. Coonan of St. John church continues in his role as pastor despite being placed on administrative leave by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly. ‘He’s pastor her still,’ said a woman who identified herself as a secretary at the inner-city parish. ‘So any decision-making he does.’ In a note addressed to the Telegram & Gazette ‘Religious Services Column’ postmarked Han 7, the Rev. Coonan wrote, ‘One more change in St. John’s weekly, Saturday, religious services adv. Please omit: Sunday 10:30 a.m. Mass in Vietnamese which has been eliminated.’ The letter, written on St. John’s letterhead, is signed: ‘Thanks, Fr. Coonan.’ Worcester Roman Catholic Diocese spokesman Raymond L. Delisle said he had ‘no doubt’ that the Rev. Coonan wrote to the Telegram & Gazette, ‘but he shouldn’t have done it. He has not been reinstated at St. John’s and is still on administrative leave,’ Mr. Delise said. He said priests on leave because of sexual abuse allegations are not to be on parish grounds or to act in any way as pastor.”8

            I had another opportunity this day to have lunch with "Father Peacock.” We talked small talk at first. Then he began that Fr. John Paul Gagnon was living in his rectory but was on administrative leave because he had no other place to go. Then he said I should apply for the Viannie House, I responded that this place was not a place for me. I changed the topic back to Fr. Gagnon. I asked why he hasn’t called him. He reacted by saying that he should have realized that three or four other priests were interest to just be called by him. The I senses that “something else” syndrome was prevalent in how "Father Peacock" was getting emotional and worked-up in his response. I was thinking that there was something else with this guy and such a conversation.

            What came to mind was when I was in Hartford and Fr. Kiley asking me: “Is there a sex ring in Worcester?” I watched him and how nervously he was conducting himself. He changed the topic. He had more information that he was not sharing with me or should have shared. But, I was much more aware of his techniques mainly to get information and positioning himself to be a “Monsignor.”

            I also read on MSNBC morning crawl a report from the New York Times that of 1,200 priest alleged, 4,268 victims came forward last year. I had a discouraging reaction. The reporting and all had me losing any hope that my case would be reviewed. I thought how we have some innocent people in this and previous priest.  Based on that and my previous experience of “guilty till proven innocent,” there must be some due process. I resented the fact that a public list of priest alleged as the only point of interest by all. I felt that I should have written a tart letter.  

January 12, 2003

            In the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, we read “Sex scandal hit most dioceses: Survey studies history and impact of Catholic Church’s crisis” by Laurie Goodstein of The New York Times. The article reads: “The sexual abuse crisis has engulfed the Roman catholic Church in the last few months has now spread to nearly every American diocese and involves more than 1,200 priests, most of whose careers straddle a sharp divide in church history and seminary training.

            Those are among the conclusions drawn from an extensive New York Times survey of documented cases of sexual abuse of minors by priests over the last sex decades.

The survey, covering cases through Dec. 31, 2002, compiled the names and histories of 1,205 accused priests. Zit counted 4,268 people who have claimed publicly or in lawsuits to have been abused by priests, though experts say there are surely many more that have remained silent.

            The survey, the most complete compilation of date on the problem available, provides a statistical framework for viewing the sexual abuse crisis against the modern history of the American Catholic Church. It found, for example, that most priests accused of abuse were ordained between the nid-1950s and the 1970s, a period of upheaval in the church, when men trained in the traditional and authoritarian seminary system were sent out to serve in a rapidly changing church and social culture.

            Most of the abuse occurred in the 1070s and 1980s, the survey found. The number of priests accused of abuse declined sharply by the 1990d.

            But the data show that priests secretly violated vulnerable youth long before the first victims sued the church and went public in 1984 in Louisiana. Some incident date from the 1930s and 1940s.”9 

January 13, 2003

            The Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us this day “Priests abuse victims join: More sessions planned in Fitchburg.” It states: “About 29 people attended an organizational meeting last week of the local chapter of the survivors Network for Those Abused by Priest. The Fitchburg turnout, higher than anticipated, means more meeting there are likely said organizer David A. Lawton of Webster. People came from as far as Northampton and Concord, he said, but most of those in attendance were from Fitchburg and neighboring communities. Mr. Lawton, who accused the Rev. Thomas A. Teczar of abusing him and prevailed in a civil lawsuit last fall, said an even mix of men and women attended the meeting at the Fitchburg Public Library to discuss their experiences. For most of them he said, it was the first item they had attended such a gathering…”10 

January 14, 2003

            This day Kathleen A. Shaw writes in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Diocesan personal files requested in abuse suit.” She writes: “Lawyer Daniel J. Shea has asked the Diocese of Worcester to turn over personnel files of any Catholic priests accused of misconduct from 1960 to the present. The request is part of Mr. Shea’s preparation of a lawsuit alleging that the Rev. Jean-Paul Gagnon, then a priest at Holy Name of Jesus parish, and Raymond Tremblay, a religious education teacher there, sexually abused Timothy P. Staney of Worcester. This is the first blanket request for personnel files on priests in this diocese…”11

            I heard a report on Ch. #5 that the American Bishop’s Policy on Sex Abuse would go into effect on March 1^st. When I heard this, I was not able to eat supper. M stomach was upset. Actually, it was an AA meeting day for me. I felt good going to a meeting and driving back home.

            During the afternoon, I spoke on phone with "Father Peacock". I mentioned that I heard on the radio a report: Young people worried more about bullies than terrorist. Bulling come in many ways as physical, emotional, verbal and especially mental. "Father Peacock" acted lie a “bully” especially in the contents of a verb. He tells me that he will preach the coming Sunday on terrorists. I thought that he would have developed a sermon more on bulling.  

January 15, 2003

            I was listening to Imus in the Morning this day. He had Mary Matalion as guest Imus goes to author Michael Moore book where he comments about George W. Bush being a recovering alcoholic. Imus asks Matalion: How does he (W) think? She backed-off saying she does not know. Imus say many definitions exist of what an alcoholic is. Some say all are sinners and all are weak. Imus ask if the President has had a slip. Does the President have a Sponsor? Doe he knows the principles. Imus’ stirring interview had shut-down Matalion. He mentioned alcoholic/drug person was on a ‘slippery slop: and prevailed with an issue of “denial.” So, Imus asks: “Is the President considers himself an alcoholic?  He said that he just doesn’t want the pressure to build and President Bus to fall-off the wagon. Mary Matalion responds: Nonsense! Yeah, and you can be his Sponsor.

            I mentioned this because I was confronted constantly while in Hartford how the Worcester Chancery mob was telling me that I would drink, again... This happened in the notorious interrogations at the Bishop’s Residence by Harrington and Rueger with Tinsley sitting and saying nothing. It did ring loudly from them at me: You will drink, again! But, let’s not forget that I was privy to information of Bishop Harrington drunk-driving accident and causing bodily injury on a teenage female drive.

            This interview of Imus was intense. One has to realize that Imus is an alcoholic and drug addicted public figure. He has said on his program and other places that he used alcohol and drugs and lives day by day with this in mind.  

January 16, 2003

            I was just thinking reading the different columns that I read in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette and speculate of their techniques they must plan in their newsroom. They must do the same or similar reflections of the chancery techniques. I may be wrong because the columnist that gets the story to write must on the “desk” for that day.        However, I was just thinking because this day we get Richard Nangle of the staff of the Telegram “On-leave priest thought send memory OK: Lawyer says Coonan made honest mistake.” This column reads: “Worcester-While acknowledging that the Rev. Joseph A. Coonan sent a memo to the Telegram & Gazette advertising department last week, lawyer Joseph D. Early Jr., who represents the priest, said his client has not been involved in day-to-day activities at St. John Church since being placed on leave in August.

            Mr. Early said Rev. Coonan did not realize that he could not so much as send out the memo while on administrative leave.

            In a note addressed to the Telegram & Gazette ‘Religious services Column’ postmarked Jan. 7, Rev. Coonan wrote, ‘One more change in St. John’s weekly, Saturday, religious service adv. Please omit Sunday 10:30 a.m. Mass in Vietnamese which has been eliminated.’ The letter, written on St. John’s stationery, is singed ‘Thanks, Fr. Coonan.’

            Upon learning of the letter, Roman Catholic Diocese of Worcester spokesman Raymond L. Delisle said Rev. Coonan should not have sent it. He also said priest on leave because of sexual abuse allegations are not to e on parish grounds or to act in any way as a priest. Mr. Early said Rev. Coonan is allowed access to the church once a week to pick up his mail and see the library.  

January 17, 2003

            Kathleen A. Shaw of the Telegram writes this day “Parishes told to double up: Priest shortage spurs diocesan consortium plans.” She writes: Worcester-The 126 Catholic parishes of Central Massachusetts will be required to enter a ‘twinning’ arrangement with at least one other parish within the next six months.

            The twinning or clustering is part of a long-range planning program by the Worcester diocese to prepare clergy and lay people for dealing with a decreasing number of priests and the increasing number of professionally trained lay people who cash serve in various ministries. (Worcester really only has a Deacon program that is plugged in.)

            People in the parishes can make their own decisions on which parishes they wan to become involved with, according to the Rev. Michael F. Rose of St. James Parish in Grafton. He heads the diocesan pastoral planning committee.

            Some parishes may ‘twin’ with just one other parish while others may form a cluster of three, he said. No parishes will be left to stand alone, he said. Meeting to explain the process will be held from 1 to 3 p.m. Feb 10 at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Recreation center in Worcester and 1 to 3 p.m. Feb. 12 at St. Cecilia Parish Center in Leominster. Rev. Rose said the diocese is not planning to close parishes but wants to prepare clergy and lay people for his future. The day of the self-contained parish that provided all services to its people is over, he said. The new model is one that has begun to be followed in dioceses throughout the country over the last 10 to 20 years, he said.”13

            What get interesting with this is how pastor have their own turf and most will not relinquish their overall “authority” of their parish. The present set-up of clergy is they may give facial cooperation, but underneath all they are going through the motions-until they are able to retire.

            Another view is that the chancery has a “ministry program” from their own office in Worcester. It is all, actually, on paper, because the only program the chancery is plugging-in is the clerical-deacon program for parishes.

            Given the core issue- the system is the point of reference. The system that is presently in the Catholic Church and his country. This was what I encountered in the 70s and again now in 03s-war and protest. The system I speak of is “Me, Me.” The individualism and self-centeredness is so prevalent from then and now. Who wouldn’t have issue? 

January 19, 2003

            This time, my fear buckets beginning filing-up about March 1^st. with anxiety. It is the official day of implementing the approved Rome standards for the American Bishops on abuse. In my case, I think I’ve been tried, judged and sentenced. Let’ not forget no one had talked to me about my status or anything besides: “We will get a hold of you.” But, my sentencing has been isolation and out of contact by the diocese. Overall, the experience this day had me realizing that I was not overwhelmed. Improvement comes in different forms.

            A few close friends of mine had been listening to my complaints and rambling. But I don’t do this talking and talking out of this circle of a few people. The specific issues are the “hothouse kitchen” with shades drawn and close on a sunny day at 1:00 p.m. This Auschwitz interrogation room was at the Bishop’s Residence on High Ridge Road, Worcester. But, my talking and talking did help me take one step at a time approach to my personal resolution.

            I never have discussed the psychological impact of job disappearing, my self-character, self-esteem and al the other things the employed take for granted. It is as though someone has turned-off the lights.  One does become frightened and scared.

            Even this day with "Father Peacock" at lunch asking me: “Do you think the issue of this sex scandal is over with?” My answer: “No! The game will go on with others coming foreword because of what the bishops’ are doing with last years style of shaking the tree syndrome. "Father Peacock" asked this very nervously, wonderment and a scared expression on this face. This was another, very peculiar time that had me wondering about him. He has a story. It is not reaching out to a fellow-priest in my case. He, either, is looking for an appointed position to be “bishop liaison to priest on administrative leave” (Monsignor Title), something as being allegated about him or another matter. God only knows. Maybe it had something to do with his pastorship at parish in Fitchburg with a priest in residence that was allegated where rumor had the place know as a “Boys Club.” Possibly I should have asked: How much were dues for this “Boys’ Club”?

            What I had to recall from a mental way was: 1. Think “success” with events that were good news. 2. Hope- Don’t lose it. 3. Financial ruin but re-workable 4. Why remain? Unlock mysteries and unanswered questions 5.Unlock good in life with renewal.

            I was at this time experiencing emotional abandonment from other who was dear to me. I realized at one of the AA meetings and read in a Grapevine (AA publication) issue about this topic. I sought to understand, without malice the side of those who had “abandoned” me. I realized that they had lives of their own. Our culture is very individualistic and many times impersonal. Besides this area of my life was a time, where priest, as myself, were considered by some as a “lepers.” In other words, I behaved in a manner much like Christ. I would like to be like the human Christ with my behavior. This had been a model to strive for at this time and was a goal at all times of my priestly ministry.

            I even heard about “Talk Therapy” which was in a described in Time: How your mind can heal your body. This helps me realize the time and effort by research that I was spending on wiring my journal-my story.

            There was this at this time me hearing about the “pain of victims” issue talked about by church officials and victims’ lawyers. I wondered when I would see programs made of TV on this. I had been surprised that this had not happened with more intensity by the media. I should say at this time that I prayed for these victims of sex abuse and any suffering they had experienced from such a situation daily in my Mass with the “Prayer of the Faithful” petitions.

            I was a history program last night where they had a story about the Sinking of the Maine in Havana Harbor. Years later, we learned that the ships boiler had proems... Oh? Didn’t we go to war over this against Spain? History repeats itself in many different forms in our world. 

January 21, 2003

            I had my scheduled meeting with Dr. Zeman in Hartford. At the end of this session, he said that I need to explain to him why I want to continue being a priest. He said he does not understand me on this issue. What was an eye opener for me was at the end of the session and he picked-up the phone to talk with his secretary. He said to her to schedule me for another meeting in three months and continue this arrangement, where I was coming every four months. It was “crunch” time with me coming to Hartford- at least I thought that to be.

            I thought that here comes the “axe” on me being removed out of the priesthood. Did Dr. Zeman have a message or conversation with Worcester Chancery?  This type of question started rolling with the fear (anxiety) element of my body having a burning sensation. I was wondering if I was “radioactive” because of all of this church sex scandal and Worcester wanting me out and gone.  

January 23, 2003

            I heard a report on the radio how the Hole Father commented to American seminarians in Rome of a “long suffering year for your church.” (Try since 1993). There is the “year issue” of Bishop Reilly of January 14, 2002 meeting. The “one year issue” is now a bench mark. I wrote some words about this back then for prosperity than what I really wanted to write. The Rector of North American College (Rome’s seminary for Americans) used in a homily the gospel of Christ and the leper to relate to the last year of the American Church sex scandal crisis.

            Then I heard in this same news report that the Rector of Boston’s Holy Cross Cathedral sent a letter to Bishop Lennon asking that victims not be cross-examined by Archdiocesan lawyers... Later, I was able to hear that the report was corrected to that the letter referred to deposing the therapist of the victims. The TV story had that these victim lawyers were saying that “no on will come out” with additional abuse. These same layers want “mediation” and not go to trail. Oh?

            Another side story was that MacLeish was reprimanded by the Ethics Committee of Rhode Island because of setting-up for a certain judge for his client. Another report had that MacLeish had lied in a court record. He must be laughing all the way to the bank. This may have been a diversion technique on MacLeish’s part because money may have been drying-up.  One wonders to how much I should listen to anything at all concerning priest stories. I was thinking how I felt at times as a leper. I was fearful of calls and bumping in someone that I knew. I jumped with clergy stories and media witch hunt.

            I had taken a ride to help a former parishioner- Leo Grenier. We stopped at his home and I was sitting at the table. He walks over to me and asked: “How may people have come out on you? I answered truthfully: “No one since the 1993 situation.” What was surprising with this that Leo was always quiet and never asked me anything about my case or what the church was doing with me? Then, this sudden, quick question had me somewhat stunned. It was similar to Connie Rivard’s quick shot of question some time back this month. Why was I surprised because every day, every newscast of radio or TV and newspaper front page had “another priest story” allegation? Leo never asked me anything ever again after this encounter about my situation. We traveled together at least three times a week. But, this did call to mind how Rueger in 1993 keep going at me: “More are going to come out on you!” Where are they, Rueger?

            What I had to realize through all of this was what we are hearing is not my case. In addition I was: 1. Tried one without anything of a due process or anything else 2. Statue of limitations were told to me by Fr. Picclomini 3. Doctor’s evaluation that I had, stated that I was normal. I had to remind myself that I worked extremely hard in the ministry. It didn’t make any difference with the “system” in place in Worcester. Yet, I was not able to put something together from canon law to convince anyone in the ‘system.” Actually, I should have realized that nothing was going to change the “system” as it was. I dug-in where Bishop Harrington was the “smoking gun” in the diocese as the past Auxiliary Bishop and then the Ordinary Bishop. Harrington did to in: “Guilty till proven innocent” with Rueger, Tinsley and Pedone- Harrington’s cronies in a cover-up. I recall a former priest say that he was told: “Stay out of diocese’s internal problems. A bishop told this to him. Harrington was screwing everyone.” How true this advises was because if I attempted to connect dots to get a picture of what happened to I would prove nothing for my cause. But, it does help me have a resolution, at least in my own time.           

January 24, 2003

            The National Catholic Reporter gives us and editorial: “Fact upset conjecture.” It states: “There’s an amazing fact tucker deep within The New York Times          recent reporting on the priest sex abuse scandals. In dioceses that have voluntarily reported the number of abusing priests, such as Baltimore, and those that have been forced to courts to do so, such as Boston and Manchester, N.H., the percentages of priests credibly accused of abusing children is two to four times greater than in jurisdictions that have made no such reports…More than a year into this round of the priest sex abuse crisis, the chattering classes have told us so much about what we ‘know.’ We know, for example that the crisis is not about celibacy, or the disproportionate number of gay priests, or a secretive church culture. We know, further, that the all-male hierarch has nothing to do with the problem and that the media has acted irresponsibly in reporting the scandal. The bishops have appointed a lay board headed by former Oklahoma Gov. Frank Keating to investigate the causes of this crisis. Maybe they’ll reach some solid conclusions.”14

            This same issue gives us “Board members snubbed in New York: Cardinal skips meeting dis-invites some from Malta knights’ event.” The story goes: “Members of the national review board overseeing church efforts to eliminate priest sex abuse expressed puzzlement, embarrassment and anger at a recent series of nubs and what appeared to some to be high-handed directives from New York Cardinal Edward Egan.

            ‘I’m taking this personally,’ said board member Pamela Hayes, a former prosecutor for corruption in New York City. ‘He’s given us the distinct impression he’s not going to desk with a board that’s been set up by the U.S. bishops.’

            In late December an archdiocesan spokesman informed the board that the cardinal would not be available to meet with them during their meeting in New York City Jan. 16 and 17, would not say Mass for them as they had requested , nor would any of his auxiliary bishops be available for Mss.

            Earlier in the month Egan told the board, through another intermediary, that only those on the board who belonged to the Knights of Malta should attend the knights’ gala dinner on Jan. 17, although all board members had been already invited. Furthermore, he did not want Kathleen McChesney, director of the Office of Child and Youth Protection (the investigation arm of the board), to come to New York to speak about her work to speak about her work at the invitation of a local parish.”15

            What we start to get from the Catholic hierarch is the laypeople being put in their place- secondary roles. This was one of the major undercurrent issues of Rome’s reaction to the American sex abuse scandal.

January 25, 2003

            “Lay group set sights on city” article by Kathleen A. Shaw and Richard Nangle appeared in this day’s Worcester Telegram & Gazette. It reads: “Lay Catholic groups are turning their attention to the Worcester Catholic Diocese, calling for Bishop Daniel P. Reilly to open personnel records and apologize for reassigning priests accused of sexual misconduct. A local e-mail address reilymustgo@yahoo.com – has been set up for demonstration or showing their support in other ways. The Worcester action is part of a new direction being taken by laity who has been involved in shining the light on priestly sexual abuse. Now that Cardinal Bernard F. Law of the Boston Archdiocese has stepped down, pressure is being applied to other church leaders considered enablers of accused pedophile priests. In New England the bishop of Manchester, N.H>, John B. McCormick, has come under particularly intense pressure. The Worcester Voice, which advocates for victims of clergy abuse, wrote Bishop Reilly this week to ask him to ‘stand forth and atone for the sins committed against the innocent in the Diocese of Worcester.”16 

January 27, 2003

            “Crows demands bishop step down: Pressure on McCormack mounts” by J. M. Hirsch (AP) is printed in this day’s Worcester Telegram & Gazette. It reads: “Manchester, N.H. – More than woo Roman Catholics and alleged victims of priest sexual abuse outside St. Joseph Cathedral yesterday to call for Bishop John B. McCormick’s resignation. Many said they were unimpressed by McCormack’s apologies and explanations of how he handled accusations against priests while a top aide to Boston Cardinal Bernard F. Law from 1984 to 194. ‘John McCormick, don’t ever again, try to confound the laity with your babble,’ said Stephen Lewis of Lynn, Maas. Who said he was abused by a priest as a child. ‘We are not your ring-kissing slaves or servants who you count as you fall asleep in your brick mansion.’ Holding pictures of 83 children at the age they say they were abused, the protesters braved frigid temperatures for more than tow hours as they marched around the cathedral and told stories of abuse.”17 

January 28, 2003

            We get another bishop’s story “Bishop Lennon angers SNAP director” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette this day. It reads: “Boston – The director of a national support group for victims of clergy sexual abuse says he is angry about Bishop Richard G. Lennon use of ‘hardball tactics’ in subpoenaing victims’ therapists to testify in civil lawsuits filed against the church. David Clohessy, director of the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, said Lennon has not reached out to victims since he took over as leader of the Boston Archdiocese following Cardinal Bernard F. Law’s resignation sex week ago. Instead, he has continued an adversarial relationship with people who were abused by priests as children, Clohessy said. ‘Therapy for victims is absolutely critical, and anything that would stop them from seeking therapy or drive them always is a horrible revitalization,’ he said. ‘What makes it particularly egregious is the churches repeatedly said to victims, ‘come to us for healing.’ It’s the ultimate bait and switch.’”18

            There are so many issues that have or not be able to put on the table as “alleged victims,’ abuse, cross-examinations, questioning therapist, lawyers and even the money pay-outs? 

January 29, 2003

            Kathleen A. Shaw writes “Protestors seek files, records form diocese: Advocates for abuse victims plan demonstration at cathedral” in this issue of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. It reads: “Worcester – Several groups that support and advocate for victims of clergy sexual abuse plan to gather Sunday at St. Paul’s Cathedral and demand that diocesan personnel files of accused priests and church workers and financial records to opened to public scrutiny. People form Speak Truth to Power, the Coalition of concerned Catholics and Survivors, Survivors Network of Those abused by Priests, and Worcester Voice will begin gathering at 9:30 a.m. They will demonstrate during the 10:15 a.m. Mass at the cathedral, High and Chatham streets. ‘The primary goal of this protest is to seek admission, accountability and resolution of sexual abuse by priests and others under diocesan employ,” said Philip de Albuquerque of STTOP. The groups also yesterday announced a detailed list of what kinds of information they are seeking from the diocese. ‘Moreover, we ask Bishop (Daniel P.) Reilly to discontinue the concealment of this scandal form the Catholic community of the Worcester diocese so that justice can be done and true healing can be done,’ Mr. Albuquerque said…”19

            How many more groups were there circling the cathedral? What is more amazing is that “rights groups’ have agendas within agendas. It keeps rolling. 

January 31, 2003

            The National Catholic Reporter gives us in there issue “spotlight of scandal moves westward: With new spate of abuse cases, Los Angeles cardinal faces test of credibility” by Arthur Jones. It reads: “The nationwide Catholic clerical sex abuse scandal is not going away. The spotlight is shifting westward to California, particularly Los Angeles, where hundreds of new sex abuse suits are queuing up before the courts. Already comparisons are being made to the situation in Boston. Mayor differences are apparent. For starters, there has not been nearly the outcry from Catholic or media quarter here that there was in Boston. The reason, according to one expert, is that Los Angeles is not a Catholic city in the way Boston is – the Southern California city’s economic-political structure (despite a recent Catholic mayor) has always been essentially Protestant.”20

            This same issue gives us “Book illuminates as if an illusion-The Other Side of the Altar: One Man’s Life in the Catholic Priesthood by Paul Dinter and reviewed by William Cleary. It reads: “Looking over the 40-odd books concerned with the clergy sexual abuse scandal, this memoir by Paul Dinter promises to be one of the most helpful. It was originally announced as The Diary of a Married Priest, but obviously ‘the other side of the altar’ where the active clergy preside is now more interesting then the world of a married priest-more interesting because ominous and frightening. Dinter, author of two other recent books and important articles in Commonweal and The New York Times, does not disappoint the reader. Life in the priesthood of our era, he recounts, is a no-man’s land. You can easily match it to the dark, underground, almost-all-males, violent world of ‘Lord of the Rings.’ You don’t want to be there. The next text can be uneven, with lapse in the story for unnecessary lectures on ecclesiastical topics, but the book remains a great, if sobering read. Dinter’s ministry experience is often nightmarish, starting in the minor seminary (‘a prep school for delay adolescents’) and continuing through ordination, doctoral studies, pastoral wok, campus chaplaincy and a sabbatical to the Vatican, ‘Men’s club on the Tiber.’ Throughout his 39-yer journey, Dinter kept the rules while keenly observing the strange milieu. One wonders why he did not take his leave earlier. A priest’s world these days can be surreal, and has become so in the popular imagination…”21

            I have 23 books in my personal library on this sex abuse crisis. There are a number of other works on the priesthood that, also, have this topic in part of their books. The actually story is far from being told or researched. How it is: Historians don’t study and issue for at least 30 years of an issue. So, the present works are mostly authors’ giving their insights at this time. There really has not been given to the pubic all   aspects of the “crisis” especially the aspect of “power and authority” or “alleged victims” in the cultural milieu of the day.

            I visited the Gizas in Palmer. I first called to say that I had “cabin fever” and nothing else of news. I didn’t want them to wonder if anything else had happened to me or any other news because I didn’t have any news.

            Kay Giza said to me when we sat down in the living room that she had to read my name in the newspaper. But, she showed me the front-page of The Springfield Union of that day of Fr. Levine being pit on an “abuse list” and being defrocked. I didn’t say much else besides that his story was not my story... Stanley and Kay just listened. I had the feeling that they already had their minds make-up about priest in general. The do the media stories and talk with their friends about priest. Stanley said: “You are smart by not saying anything.” He then shared the Bish story in the same newspaper of a new investigation by DA Conte. I did tell the Gizas’ that there was a “bigger story” in the Worcester Diocese. I didn’t mention any specifics. What I was referring to was the “smoking gun” part of the Worcester Chancery and the “sex ring in Worcester” question of Fr. Jack Kieley at the IOL, Hartford. 

February 1, 2003

            I was reflecting where during my last visit with Dr. Zeman and we were discussing my next appointment, he mention to me that he needs me next time to explain why I want to remain a priest. He said he wanted to talk about it more. With that, he picked-up the phone for his secretary and saying to schedule me for every three months. Either he was having a bad day or I had not given a sufficient explanation. It had me thinking in that I knew my position on my priesthood. It was a vocation and not a job factor. This was what made all the difference in my journey in life. .

            I need to kick-in: One step at a time. There was slippage on my part in the determination of “hope.” What was different at this time” I realized it.

            It was a time where the trust that once surrounded the clergy had turned to fury. Abuse L children? With bishops being complicit did not help the situation. No more in our society. The atmosphere in summaries and priesthood had some called a corrupted atmosphere. The issue of dishonesty and illusion are being recognized. The illusion that had to be banished in that sex is the enemy and celibacy makes for holiness. Some things are heard and faced which are vicious and simple-minded. I did realize that a revealed advocate of newness versus the status quo. The picture in my seminary yearbook of my only classmate- Joe Sredzinski- on the front steps of the Seminary Building. The picture had Joe attired in black cassock and berate and myself with jeans, sweet shirt and brown hat and coat. The picture was as Joe dressed in pre-Vatican II and me as being Vatican II model. The real issue in this picture was authority in the Church as relating to principles of collegiality, parish pastoral councils, faith communities and much more. So, things that were being said in this day were so demeaning and lacked insights.

            I have to mention that those victims that were sexually abused by priest are a tragedy of the most serious nature. These people are in my thoughts and daily prayers. However, I was even wondering that at this time, there needed to be a program: Victim for the Day (Queen for a Day Program). It seemed that there was this media parade of “alleged victims” of priest in sex abuse each day on page B1- Local News. There would be five victims in the program. Questions directed those whose head had been jaded? Whose memories had been rekindled? Would there be different “filters” of a situation or occurrence? 

February 2, 2003

            I was reading the parish bulletin from Sacred Heart Church, Gardner. It had a part: “Lay Presider Training workshop – will be held at Sacred heart Parish, Gardner, on Saturday, February 9^th and February 22^nd, 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. This is a Diocesan wide program that will be given by Fr. John Konicek. All Lay Presiders and anymore interested in learning more about the program or becoming a Lay Presider are urged to attend.”22

            This had my eyes open, because it seemed that the Lay Presider was a thing of the past because of having a Bishop Reilly and a resurging clericalism. It seemed that this was for the area (Deanery) parishes and yet no other parish published this announcement. Also, who was this Fr. John Konicek? He was not a Worcester Diocesan priest.  Another point was that the priest that was usually the facilitator for this in the area was off the screen- he knew that Bishop Reilly was not in favor of this. Therefore, if this guy wanted to become a Monsignor, he became disassociated from the Lay Presider and became a teacher in the diocesan Deacon program. Lastly, Fr. Donald Baker was will to sponsor at Sacred Heart Parish such a workshop.  

February 3, 2003

            On the front page of this Monday, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette had on the front page “Emotions run high at demonstration: Shuttle, sexual abuse vigil at St Paul’s.” Patricia J. James wrote: “Worcester- A demonstration at St. Paul’s Cathedral planned for yesterday morning by members of groups that advocate for victims of clergy sexual abuse was supposed to turn into a solemn vigil after Saturday’s loss of the space shuttle crew, but ended up being a little of both.

            In a press release issued Saturday by members of STTOP – sort for Speak Truth to Power – organizers said, “Sponsoring groups…have decided it more appropriate to solemnly gather I thought and prayer for the lives lost in this tragic national disaster.” The rally’s original purpose was to demand that diocesan personnel files of accused priests and church workers and financial records be made public.

            About 20 members and supporters of groups – including STTOP! Coalition of Concerned Catholics and Survivors, Survivors First and Worcester Voice – gathered at the cathedral at 9:30 a.m.  The press release said they would ‘solemnly honor the pain or child sexual abuse victims and others.’

            While most of those at the vigil mourned quietly, one parishioner of the cathedral said she was angry at the ones who were more audible. ‘I have every sympathy in the world for the victims,’ Dora Cullen of Worcester said after attending the 10:15 a.m. Mass yesterday, ‘but two wrongs don’t make it right.’

            Ms. Cullen sad her four young children wee ‘completely terrified’ on their way into the church because a man with a bullhorn was ‘yelling words like ‘rape.’ She said the protestors were ‘creating more victims.’”23 

February 4, 2005

            This day the Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us by Kathleen A. Shaw the article: “Worcester man alleges abuse: Rev. Jalbert accuser says he wants to help other victims: Shaw wrote: “Raymond Plante jr. grew up in a three-decker on Grafton Hill, the son of devout Catholic parents who, like many people in Worcester, struggled with financial problems as they raised their children. As a boy, Mr. Plante said, he was raped repeatedly by the Rev. Norman Jalbert, a priest who was also a music teacher and guidance counselor at Holy Name central Catholic High School and who died in 1994.

            Mr. Plante, now 39, said he has decided to go public with his story because he believes other victims may exist and the needs to tell people the extent of what happened to him. He participated Sunday in the demonstration at St. Paul’s Cathedral, he appeared on a television interview in front of Holy Name and he was joined and become active in the new chapter of Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests. The alleged rape and sexual abuse of Mr. Plante also involved abuse of the Eucharist, which Catholic believe is the real presence of Jesus Christ in the communion wafer; the Mass, the sacrament of reconciliation; and a violation of the sacrament of matrimony as part of the Rev. Jalbert’s overall strategy, he said.

            The Rev. Jalbert equated the sexual abuse as ‘how we do Mass here,’ Mr. Plante said. His parents, Raymond Sr. and Therese Plante, were active at St. Joseph’s parish on Hamilton street where the Rev. Jalbert was also pastor, and they did everything they could to raise tuition money for the Holy Name. The Rev. Jalbert, who was also his parish priest, became his guidance counselor and music director. Mr. Plante said he wanted to stop the abuse but the Rev. Jalbert had information about Mr. Planet’s parents’ personal and financial difficulties and threatened to use it to destroy their marriage. ‘The last thing I wanted was for them to get divorced and he knew it,’ he said. His mother worked at the rectory and spoke frankly with the Rev. Jalbert about their struggles, Mr. Plante said. His father, who was active in therapies, went to the Rev. Jalbert for confession. A sister had also been molested by someone in Worcester and this had upset his parents. Mr. Plante was afraid to add to their burden by revealing another incident, he said.

            His first trip to camp on Brownie Pond in Spencer, in 1978 when he was 15, came because the Rev. Jalbert offered to help him with his singing. The youth wanted to perform in the popular musicals at Holy Name. Mr. Plante, in describing the first time he was abused, said he was taking to the camp, which was a converted horse barn with a large fieldstone fireplace. ‘It would start with a glass of wine,’ he said. Mr. Plante suspected the wine was laced with some type of drug because he would become spacey and ‘unable to move.’ Mr. Plante said the Rev. Jalbert would suggest they ‘do a Mass,’ talk about adolescent issues he was having with his parents, fondle his genitals and sit on his stomach and chest. ..”24

            Any time I read such stories, besides being sad for the people involved, if they were was thinking about George Rueger ranting at me in 1993 that more are going to come out on me- no one did. It obviously was a cover-up by the Worcester Chancery Gang- we had a “smoking gun” with Rueger and Mob to protect the Bishop Harrington. 

February 6, 2003

            I noticed that whenever I was reading any R.C.I.A. literature in how I became immersed with these readings and how time pasted. I noticed how I was able to become concentrated. I also noticed that I felt relaxed on this path. It gave me an internal peace. The whole process and insights that I had and continued to have formed a pastoral- working in the parish techniques of this renewal.  It was and still is an experience that I had found in what I was educated for in the eight years of seminary and post-Vatican II period of renewal in addition to studying and obtaining a M.A in Psychology and Counseling. Well, it was over with in any hope of having this being workable in any pastoral parish experience with me being allegated. But, it was the one thing that I realized that I found the “gem” of what the Church had been given to it by the Holy Spirit. But, studying and reading history had me aware that there would be a counter move for “restoration” of the 19^th Century hierarchical model which was also occurring in the secular society especially of “black and white” answers to issues of the day. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work was not to be at this time in the life of the Church or my life. I was able to put word and concepts on a “skeleton” model for parish work. It had me more excited to do research by reading articles and original sources in this area of this R.C.I.A. process. I, actually, was cut-off from any professional or clerical contact to discuss the R.C.I.A. and different insights that those that were involved with or developing new techniques to advance this whole process to where it would be the norm in every parish- possibly five decades. But, it seemed that with the R.C.I.A. that everything that I ministered with in my priesthood came together. A vision was a reality. This particular time had me in “The Leper” category, because of the fear of losing my “pension- poverty level” and my health plan in the Worcester Diocese with thirty-three years as a priest...

            But, another reality had me watching the media and newspapers for the daily church sex abuse scandal list. Actually, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette seemed to carry two or three clergy stories a week on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

            But, watching Channel #5 News at 5:30 p.m. ran a story of a lawyer making a presentation at the Massachusetts Supreme Court on a case from1958 issue- Statue of limitations. My fear buckets became filled-up. The reporter was saying that this will affect hundred of cases in the state. I had my stomach upset after hearing this report and developed the weak-feeling and skin had a burning feeling that was previously common to me a number of times.

             I attended my Thursday Step Meeting. This day the meeting covered Step #10 of list or inventory as my emotional hang-ups as an example being fear. I departed from the meeting: Don’t embellish. 

February 7, 2003

                Here is Friday and we get the Catholic Free Press version of Sunday’s cathedral protest. Kevin Luperchio reports: “Worcester- Representative of several abuse survivor groups picketed outside St. Paul Cathedral Sunday to urge Bishop Reilly to release documents they say would reveal the scope of the clergy sexual abuse scandal in the Diocese of Worcester. The bishop was not at the cathedral but the head of the Office for Healing and Prevention was there to offer the services of the diocese. About 25 people form Survivors Newark of those Abuse by Priests, Speak Truth To Power, Coalition of Catholics and survivors and  Worcester Voice stood outside with signs and spoke with people entering the cathedral…Some of the pickets were upset the bishop was not at the protest. Mr. Delisle said Bishop Reilly was not scheduled to celebrate Mass at the cathedral on Sunday. He was attending a Catholic Schools Week event at St. Joseph Basilica in Webster at the time of the protest.

                Patricia Engdahl, director of the Office for healing and Prevention, said she decided to attend the protest to extent herself and the service of here office to those who may have been victims of abuse. ‘I thought it was appropriate that I would be there to let them know that we care.’ Mrs. Engdahl said, ‘We are concerned for them and we welcome them and we are very open to helping them.’ She said the protestors’ reception to her presence was mixed. Some in the group responded positively, she said, while others were unwilling to listen. Several people said they would like to speak to Bishop Reilly and Mrs. Engdahl told them she would relay the message to the bishop.”25

                This encounter must have been more heated than either the Catholic Free Press or the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. What was interesting to have a Mrs. Engdahl acting in her role and what Rome was saying about laypeople involved in the whole sex abuse crisis in the church? How long would she last and what will happen to her?

                The Catholic Free Press, also, published this same issue “Editorial-The place to turn.” It stated: “The Church is going through a grace period and the focus of the secular media is generally on the negative. We Catholics need to keep hearing about the positive things that are happening in our Church as well: the celebrations of new life, the good works that are done, the solidarity we share, and the commitments to a holy life... the Catholic media can help tell “the rest of the story” about today’s Church. Yes, in our Church this year there has been abuse and there has been remorse. There has been sin and, most importantly, forgiveness. And there has been a real attempt to take corrective measures with regards to the scandal of child sexual abuse. The Catholic media can put all of that, good and bad, in the context of faith. We strive to present a balanced picture of life and faith in the Church. We look to Scripture, for it is only through God’s Word that we can make sense of what is happening around us. ‘Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord’ says Psalm 31.”26

                The spin masters are at it in all avenues. Meanwhile, will we ever get the real story out on this side of the issue versus the system?

                This day’s issue of the National Catholic Reporter had an article by Fr. Richard P. McBride “Political instructions may go unheeded.” It states: “For those unfamiliar with the ways of the Vatican, it may have come as something of a surprise last month when the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued specific guidelines for catholic politicians that attempt to dictate how they should vote on various issues relating to the protection of human life…But there is another factor at work here. The ecclesiastical environment has changed dramatically since January of last year when the same Boston Globe first exposed the local sex-abuse scandal. Catholics are now much less inclined to accept moral guidance from the hierarchy without first taking a hard, critical look at it. Bishops and other purveyors of moral wisdom be advised.”27

                When this article says that the paper exposed the local sex-abuse scandal, it was a long time before this that The Boston Globe and the Worcester Telegram & Gazette of this year were reporting this. My story was reported in 1995 and there were a number of cases that I recall back in 1984 and after about allegated priest.

I had one of those “Remember When” moments when my cousin, Michael Bish called. He was telling me how he attended a Confirmation Mass at St. Stanislaus, West Warren-my home parish. Bishop Rueger was telling the parishioners that “Fr. Jack” was doing a great job at St. Stan’s. Michael (Mickey) then told me that “Jack” went to Florida for a week’s vacation. But, the “remember when” moment came in was me recalling Rueger in ’93 Confirmation Ceremony at St. Edward’s doing the opposite by telling the candidates: “You don’t have to listen to Fr. Kardas.” This was the same incident that Fr. Picclomini was the Master-of-Ceremonies and sitting in the vestibule with a glowing smile looking at Rueger. Mrs. Leola Leger was the lecture and was sitting next to me saying: “Oh, my God. I don’t believe what I just heard. Look at Picclomini with that disgusting smile ay Bishop Rueger.” There was another story here where the picture said more than any words would have explained.                

February 8, 2003

                The Sentinel & Enterprise reports: “Local church lay leader to meet with Bishop Reilly.” The story: “Leominster – Mary I. Jean of Leominster, and head of the Worcester Voice, will meet with Bishop Daniel P. Reilly on Wednesday to discuss her recent request that the Worcester Catholic Diocese release the names of those priests who have been accused of sexual abuse in the diocese.

                “The Worcester Voice is an advocacy group for the victims of clergy sexual abuse in the Worcester Diocese. Reilly agreed to a meeting with Jean alone Wednesday morning, despite hr request that representatives from other victims’ groups attend the meeting. Jean said she believes Reilly agreed to the meeting as a direct consequence of a letter she sent him last month.

                “In the letter, Jean charged that the ‘church culpability in the cover-up of clergy sexual abuse is now evident’ and asked that bishop to release the names of accused priests as will as personal records in order to ‘expedite the healing process in our diocese.’ According to Jean, the meeting, which was arranged by the bishop’s secretary, the Rev. Rocco Piccolomini, is a ‘positive’ sing from the diocese. ‘This is an historic step on the part of the bishop,’ Jean said. ‘It’s an extension of an olive branch…’”28

                What is interesting how a person like Jean who started out with an agenda about her child attending St. Leo’s Grammar School in Leominster became a self-proclaimed advocate on clergy sex abuse issue? This is something of the victims’ groups in questioning who are they and their real agenda. There are more questions that no one is asking in regards to who, what and where issues on this abuse crisis.  

February 9, 2003

                The Leominster woman, Mary T. Jean, who began the Voice of Worcester because of issues with her son attending St. Leo’s School in the same town, had an internal issue with the school board. She made it a clergy issue. I wondered about her real agenda- selfishness. It seemed that a few groups had a cause and rallied around the clergy sex abuse issue and discovered each other. These groups send to be hitting on that you give me mine issues. Jean had memory about everything and wanted accountability. Actually, word from sweetness was her “calling card’ but it did not take much to read in between the lines her real agenda.

                I was still dealing with the “fear buckets” syndrome in coming into my place and seeing the phone message light blinking. I was still thinking how it might have been Fr. Picclomini calling from the Worcester Chancery. It had not happened since 1995, but I was not able to clear this issue from my mind of the worst case scenario. I rebutted the allegation then and that should have been that. But, I notice that I was working on this issue. It did get better. It became a non-issue in that I was encountering any issue directly because it was not true then or ever had been. I was challenging any issue at this time with dealing in values, ideals and goals.

                In addition, whenever the issue of the “statue of limitations” was heard by me either through the media or "Father Peacock" throwing a remark at me, I was able to divert the usual “stinken thinking” of hear and my mind racing. It was Harrington’s remark at me: “You’re guilty till proven innocent.” It was actually becoming part of me to rally my personhood and know that I didn’t do what I had been allegated with. I was not allowing “March Madness” (College Basketball) to be “March Disaster” of having been judged “guilty” by my friends in the Worcester Chancery Mob.

                What did come to mind whenever I was, at this time, getting into my “stinken thinking” I picked-up my copy of Teaching the Dead Bird to Sing by W. Paul Jones about God’s love? 

February 11, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw writes this day in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “demonstrators at church can use bullhorn: ACLU chapter to assist protestors.” She writes: “Worcester – The Worcester County Chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union of Massachusetts will assist demonstrators at St. Paul’s Cathedral if police or church officials try to curb the protest and the use of bullhorns.

                “Demonstrators went to St. Paul’s Cathedral on Sunday and were met by police requests that the get a permit for their bullhorns. One of the protesters was threatened with arrest if he did to cease use of his bullhorn, according to Mary T. Jean of Worcester Voice, a group that advocates for victims of clergy abuse. Police Chief James M. Gallagher said yesterday the protesters do not need a permit for bullhorns, but police can ask them to turn down the noise level if it is deemed excessive.

                “Ronald C. Madnick, executive director of the Worcester County Chapter of ACLU, said yesterday that protesters have a right to use bullhorns in the front of the cathedral and can legally say whatever they want about the bishop, other church officials and the abuse scandal in general…”29  

February 14, 2003

                Another day and Kathleen A. Shaw reports “Accused priests identified for Diocese gave list to DA a year ago-group wants list released.” The story: “Worcester-The names of priests accused of sexual misconduct dating back to 1944 were turned over nearly a year ago by the Catholic Diocese of Worcester to District Attorney John J. Conte.

                “Mr. Conte yesterday verified that he received them after issuing a grand jury subpoena, but will not ever make public the names of the accused and will not tell how many priests are involved until his investigation is complete. ‘Or function is prosecuting,” he said. Mary T. Jean of Worcester Voice, A Catholic advocacy group fro victims of clergy sexual abuse, said yesterday the information was relayed to her by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly during a meeting with him on Wednesday at the chancery. Monsignor Edmond T. Tinsley and a member of the diocesan review board also attended, she said. She was told the names were turned over last March, although the bishop could not give an exact date. Mr. Conte said yesterday that he received the names from the diocese under grand jury subpoena several months ago and said the names were instrumental in his investigation…”30

                I was realizing that getting excited at this time in my journey was more controlled. So, this morning at 6:00 a.m. radio news on WEIM-AM of Fitchburg/Leominster had the story of the Worcester DA had the list on priest in the sex abuse scandal? The news reports that the list goes back to the ‘40s. It also report mentioning Mary Jean of Leominster being involved in getting this list. Circus time was the first thing that came to my mind on hearing this.

                What I had to notice in myself to be aware of people that would bring the salt to dinner in such stories or encounters. It has helped me realize that an unexamined life is not worth living. I have examined my life more than I thought possible. I had approached most people in silence on my particulars and did realize that any verbal approach of any reaction was to be in a limited nature. Life was worth living more now than ever on my part.

                One of my classmates told me that I was not Irish enough in the Church. He was referring to the authority of the bishop and the challenge of the chancery structures of my time. The real issue was that I knew too much of the Worcester Catholic Church. I possibly should have written a book entitled: Windows in the Chancery Building: Ambitions. I had to realize that my entire situation damaged my reparation, well-being and psyche. Yet, I was not a “dead bird.” I was flying freer than ever.    

February 15, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw continues on in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Records on priests targeted: Alleged abuse victim is pushing diocese for answers.” She write: “Worcester – Craig Lecaire wants to see all of the records on accused priests within the Catholic Diocese of Worcester opened to  public scrutiny, because he might get answers to his own questions regarding his abuse he says was at the hands of two priests.

                “Mr. Lecaire, of Spencer, said he was raped by the Rev. Brendon W. O’Donoghue, now retired, and sexually assaulted by the late Rev. Norman  Jalbert, ‘grave harm is being done to the body of Christ and it needs to be taken care of,’ he said. ‘Opening up all those files will certainly answer some of my questions, I have herd things. It appears that Brendon O’Donoghue was moved around the diocese and no one has said why,’ Mr. Lecaire said…’He (O’Donoghue) told me that if I were to ever talk about it to others, it would break this sacred trust and part of God’s commandment, and if I did, I am possibly my mother and father could lose our souls to the devil in hell.’”32

                This same issue and page had a small insert article by Kathleen A. Shaw entitled “O’Donoghue moved frequently by church.” The part that made me interested was: “During his time in Spencer, he spent several months on leave before being sent to St. Peter, Petersham, where he served from 1979 to 1984. He retired in 1984 from St. Matthew’s in Southboro. He is now retired, but the diocesan directory of retired priests doe not list where he is living.”32

                Why this opened my eyes was that when I was assigned to St. Edward’s, Westminster, Fr. "Shach", of the Priest Personal Board told me: “That was not the place that you were supposed to be sent too.” What I was able to find out was that O’Donoghue was going to St. Edward’s and I was going to St. Matthew’s, Southboro. O”Donoghue visited St. Edward’s rectory and viewed the condition of the rectory and refused to go there. So, Bishop Harrington assigned him to St. Matthew’s and Kardas was sent to St. Edward’s.  Harrington switched lines on this assignment. My question: “What did O’Donoghue have on Harrington that he was able to refuse an assignment? I was only told by Msgr. Ray Page by phone that I was going to St. Edwards- the rectory conditions were a “pig pen” condition with the pastor and his dog. There most likely is a better story on this Harrington-O’Donoghue line switch.

                The Sentinel & Enterprise had a picture and story “Priest reinstated.” It reported: “Rev. Edward McDonagh dresses for Friday night mass at St. Ann’s Catholic Church in West Bridgewater on Friday. McDonagh, who was removed from the church in November 2002 after allegations surfaced that he had raped a boy in the 1960s, was reinstated Thursday after Boston archdiocese officials said they couldn’t substantiate the claim.”33

                My only question: How was it possible for the Boston archdiocese not able to substantiate the claim versus substantiating the claim?

                Then the Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us this day from The Associated Press “Geoghan got trip to Rome after ‘trauma.’” It reports: “Boston – After church officials cleared the Rev. John J. Geoghan of a sexual abuse complaint in 1979, Bishop Thomas Daily of Brooklyn, N.Y., allowed Geoghan to make a trip to Rome because he felt Geoghan ‘had been through a traumatic experience’ because of the accusation. Daily, formerly a top aide to Cardinal Bernard F. Law made the remarked doing a civil deposition made public yesterday. ‘So, out of the 800 priests in Boston, why Father Geoghan in 1979, did you think he should go to Rome?’ asked lawyer William Gordon, in the deposition. ‘Because I felt that he had been through a traumatic experience because of the letters and accusations, etc., and that it was needed for him. It would have been helpful to him,’ daily replied. In correspondence between daily, Geoghan and Geoghan’s supervisor, it is unclear exactly what the woman claimed Geoghan did with children.”34

                What becomes interesting in such a report is that one never heard of such an approach by Bishop Harrington or anyone in the Worcester Diocese. Harrington had the nickname: Bulldog. The other thing with Geoghan taking a trip to Rome and being a diocesan priest, who paid for the trip? Most likely Geoghan did the paying out of his own pocket. Another point was that the archdiocese may have wanted Geoghan off the radar screen. 

February 16, 2003

                "Father Peacock" tells me that Bishop Reilly met with the diocesan priest that was on Administrative Leave at Fr. Rochford’s rectory in Blackstone, Mass. Fr. Rochford is the bishop’s delegate to priest on Administrative Leave. Rochford had never contacted me. I was told that “all priest” were priest except Fr. John Bagley who supposedly said that the meeting should have bee held at the Bishop’s Residence. The meeting was held in Blackstone because of not having any publicity.  Fr. Bartlett picked-up the bishop and drove him to the meeting. I was told that Fr. Jerry Branconia had no contact in six years and therefore was not at the meeting. Branconia might have been in the same category as me: non-person (Harrington’s issue and not Reilly’s). In addition, I was told that Fr. John Paul Gagnon was told by Bishop Reilly that he “would be back in the ministry.” "Father Peacock" said that he reminded Gagnon not to get his hope-up because Reilly said this all the time. My only reaction was that I did not know anything about such a meeting.  I felt that "Father Peacock" was “fishing” on my situation and my reaction-hovers over me.

                Besides this he told me that a priest told him that Attorney Dan Shea was deposing Fr. LaBair. Who know what LaBair was saying according to this priest on the priest of this diocese? This was interesting to hear. I said nothing but kept my poker face working.  

                With all of this, "Father Peacock" then asked: “How are you doing?” He only returned from another three weeks in Canada- doing his Lenten Sermons- which was his pattern of smoke-screening. It was another aspect of the “Gong Show” for life from such a person.  

February 17, 2003

                The front page of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us this day: “Accused Monsignor has Whitinsville ties- Official linked to House of Affirmation.” Richard Nangle reports:  “A Long Island grand jury’s inquiry into priest abuse took on a Central Massachusetts flavor when it linked a high-ranking church official who bragged about negotiating law cash settlements there to do legal work for the scandal-plagued House of Affirmation in Whitinsville.

                “In a report released last week, the Suffolk county supreme Court special Grand Jury noted that Monsignor Alan J. Placa, who is a civil lawyer as well, ‘was also counsel to at least one clergy-related treatment center, The House of Affirmation in Massachusetts. This fact was not well known to other high-ranking priests i