January 3, 1998
I had been reflecting the past
few days on Bishop Rueger’s letter of December 30, 1997. It was a
known fact that I knew too much about a few internal situations of a
number of Church people in Worcester that Diocesan personal did not
want made public.
I showed this letter
to my Spiritual Director who said “Something is wrong with Rueger
here.” I had to remind the Spiritual Director that .Rueger was the
guy that set-up the cross and provided the spikes and hammer at my
When I spoke in
general about Rueger and other issues to Fr. Deibel, he said “Get
out of Dodge City.” This had me recall when I said to Deibel that I
always had youth group members around with me and Deibel responded
“They all say that!”, I reacted with amazement in his quick answer.
I, immediately, reacted as such in thought how in 1970, Mr. Bill
Jacobs wrote an article about me. This article was entitled “ A Rare
One” which Bill Jacobs wrote a weekly column in The National
Reporter. Jacobs wrote “He (Fr. Kardas) went with the young,
still gloriously young himself, not to dominate or impose or even
counsel. He was simply with them.” 1
So I get the spin put
on me. I needed some type of help. The Diocese, with Rueger and
Pedone as principle agents, were trying to get rid of me by pushing
me out. This letter of Rueger of December 30th had me
pushed against a wall.
this was telling me anything, it was that I had to re-invent myself.
I saw this challenge in the realm of my priesthood.
January 5, 1998
When I mentioned this letter of
December 30th from Rueger to my Spiritual Director, there
was a feeling of self-destruction on my part. The Spiritual Director
said that I was not only distancing myself but entangling others if
I mentioned this Rueger note.
I was told by the Spiritual
Director to get a ministry and get on with my life.
I responded that my ministry
was the priesthood. I should have taken Dr. Zeman’s advice back when
Bishop Reilly wanted my resignation as Pastor of St. Edward’s. Dr.
Zeman suggested to me that I should not have resigned my Pastorship
and let the Diocese go to Rome for my removal. I reacted that I
wanted to be a priest. The priesthood was what I wanted to preserve
with the resignation as Pastor. I really did believe that the
isolation and all would have ended from my living in “The Cave.”
Boy! Was I wrong!
I had to realize what a
Trappist (Cisterican) Monk once said to me: “Our hearts are restless
until we find our rest in God.”
January 7, 1998
So what did I see happening.
During the first part of December Attorney Carey goes to Attorney
Goulka for a deposition of Weber. Weber never appears for
deposition. Goulka presents a “clsoure” attempt to Carey. I was
never told anything about why Weber had a “no show” for her
scheduled deposition. Carey did tell me that “the case fell apart
when Weber did not show up for her deposition.” This must have been
the meaning of his remark “The Diocese wants to cork the bottle….”
What I did know that Rueger was to follow Weber’s deposition and
McCormick was to continue her deposition.. Carey never had the
opportunity to ask certain questions of Rueger about his role and
knowledge of Msgr. Manning, Fr. Pedone and Bishop Harrington.
Harrington would have been the next person to be deposed if the
process was allowed to proceed.
But Attorney Carey must have
received a coded message from Goulka about “corking the bottle.”
Carey had to finally realize that the money I was receiving for
legal fees was a loan form the Diocese. If he persisted, the Diocese
would have cut-off any funds of my loan. Therefore, no more money in
the funnel. I was told by Carey “The case is closed.” Sign the
settlement agreement. Justice?
The picture was that Rueger,
Pedone and especially Harrington would have fallen like a deck of
cars. This might have explained why Harrington reacted to me at the
Chirsm Mass in 1995. When I presented by Bishop Reilly, Harrington
was seated a couple rows on the left side of me. He turned his whole
body towards me in his seat with his “bulldog face” expression.
So Carey gives me a hour
appointment in his Boston Office to a number of questions that I
had. He had abrupt answer for me but no clear answers.. He did say
that he was sorry that was all that he was able to do for me.
Then Rueger lets go with his
December 30th letter at me. The Diocese with their
lawyers protected Rueger, Manning, Pedone and Harrington. Where
Rueger lets go with his letter to me must have had the “blessing”
of Bishop Reilly- The Ordinary at this time. Rueger wrote “Bishop
Reilly mentioned to me that you might have interest in advanced
studies. Frankly, Ted I think you should reflect upon looking into a
line of work that would prepare you best to function in the future.
But, my perception at the present time is that it might be good fro
you to develop skill in another area. I could be wrong on this. It’s
just that when Bishop mention it to me I wanted you to know that we
would be prepared to help you if you came up with some program in
mind. Let me know if there is anything that I can do.” 2
What came to mind at this time
for me was in 1995 when the suit came out on me, Rueger was named in
the suit with me- Kardas and Rueger. Rueger offered to resign his
position in the media but Reilly refused to hear this. What was that
al about on Rueger’s part?
So was Reilly in the
“cover-up” of the Chancery (Gang) Kabala and the Office of the
The last meeting, which was the
second meeting, which Bishop Reilly had with me showed him going
through a process of some nature especially with total disregard of
my family situation when I mentioned it. This was the disappearance
of Molly Bish, who was my first cousin John Bish’s daughter. Molly
was my cousin. Reilly just disregarded my mentioning it at all. I’m
still convinced that this meeting was being video taped without
being informed. I speculate but this meeting was a “formal” meeting
that he had to have as a Bishop according to Canon Law. The question
begs “For what?” I might never know.
Yet, through all of this my
Canon Lawyer (my advocate), Fr. David Deibel informed me “Get out of
Dodge City .”
January 22, 1998
An article appeared about “Vet
Sue Times Over Article on Dog,” on this day in The Register: Cape
Cod Weekly Newspaper on this day on front page. . What was
reported was “this raises significant First Amendment issues for a
newspaper that’s trying to report on matters being brought before a
court of the commonwealth.-Attorney Elizabeth Ritvo.” 3
A suit was brought against the
Cape Cod Times in Barnstable (MA) Superior Court claiming that the
media can be held financially responsible for publicizing unproved
accusations contained in civil complaints. And two First Amendment
legal experts are saying the case could have gone all the way to the
state’s higher court.
Yarmouthport veterinarian Mark
T. Reilly filed the suit Jan. 8 (’98) claiming his reputation was
damaged by an article the (Cape Cod)Times published on Jan.,17,
So much of this was comparable
to what the Worcester Telegram & Gazette did to me. I tired
to get my lawyer and all to investigate what I had in this article
and my case. 4 I never heard anything , again.
January 23, 1998
There was a article in the
National Catholic Reporter about “12 to sue priest, Peoria
diocese; ultra-right group tied to case,” that wrote about an ulta-right
group called “roman Catholic Faithful (RCF).” It explains how this
type of group claimed “to fight actively and spiritually to restore
Holy Mother Church.” It further that a spokesperson for the
Springfield (MO) Diocese said, “I think they (RCF) are sad, angry,
injured people.” 5 The Worcester Diocese had somewhat of this type
of group with a Richard Blanchard of Athol, Massachusetts.
Blanchard’s group was very adamant especially with Bishop
January 25, 1998
When I began writing this
journal in Hartford, I was continuing what I did every evening to
prepare a short homily for the weekday Masses that I offered each
morning. When I was in Hartford (IOL) for mandated evaluation, I
stopped at CVS to get a small subject notebook. I was staying at the
Seminary in Bloomfield, Conn. So during the evenings, I would write
down my daily reflections. I kept this going so that I had some idea
of things developing and being able to recall events.
I was reflecting how these
allegations against my moral character. I felt that certain
individuals were painting by the numbers on my situation.
This daily journal, also,
helped me recall events that occurred but I didn’t fully write down
on the particular day.
One of these events was when I
was called into the Bishop’s Residence for one of those notorious
Harrington sessions which was in August and Rueger started with a
remark that “The Diocese expected a thousand people outside the
Bishop’s Residence on Fr. Roberge leaving St. Edward’s and expecting
me back as Pastor.”
This was a technique
that Rueger would do at certain times. He did push his actors
button and this was a classic time to get at me. I recalled that I
just stared at him. My expression was to say “Are you done?”
A few other remarks that I recall from
this same session was Rueger saying ”Each morning paper, I open to
see if another priest has his name in print.” Who are we kidding. He
works in the Chancery and knew inside information. . Then I had to
hear from him explain how Fr. Roberge “jumped the gun” on announcing
that he was being assigned to be Chaplain at Worcester State
Rueger was in rare
form during this whole session with Fr. Stephen Pedon (Vicar for
Canon Law) and myself. Rueger was dong his nickname character that
other priest had for him- Carol Channing. It was an experience. But,
I had to put this recall in my journal.
January 28, 1998
Bishop Bernard Flanagan died
this day. Fr. Gamache said to me “Bishop Flanagan was the last real
Bishop of the Diocese of Worcester.” Bishop Flanagan was my
ordaining Bishop on May 23, 1970. He was a classy person. Eternal
Rest Grant Unto him O’ Lord!
February 4, 1998
This day and the next had the
Worcester Telegram & Gazette front page with “Bishop’s
goodness remembered,” and then “Farewell, Bishop Flanagan.” 6
The Worcester Telegram &
Gazette wrote significant article portraying Bishop Flanagan. It
was good reading.
February 5, 1998
I had a meeting in Shrewsbury
with my tax man- Joseph Simincini. We were talking about things I
may be with taxes. Then Joe stated telling me about my case and what
he had heard from other priest that he golfs with. I sat and
listened because Joe was “tracking” my situation in Worcester. He
mentioned that Fr. Jim O’Shea goes with him and 15 other guys in the
winter for golfing. He said the guys give Fr. O’Shea a “Scholarship”
to make up the group of 16 . What he nicely told me was that the
group of golfers pairs for Fr. O’Sheas trip. He reminded me that Fr.
O’Shea’s brother was a Worcester City Councilor. He, also, told me
that Fr. Francis Roberge had a brother on the Worcester Police
Force. Joe said there is a lot of politics involved. But, my story
was in the newspaper which gave me notoriety. He told me that it
might have come back-up on me if the Diocese tired to place me in
another assignment or ministry. Joe said “You are living in a “jail”
world. I didn’t say much of anything. I just drove back to my “Cave”
with being in such a position.
Other people, like G. Ronald
Leger told me there is a lot of politics in my case. He specially
mention Msgr. Tinsley whose brother was, also, a Worcester City
Counselor. Leger met once with Bishop Harrington to talk about my
case as a parishioner of St. Edwards’ Msgr. Ed Tinsley sat in with
this meeting. I explained to Leger that Bishop Harrington had
Tinsley with him in practically everything. A good example was that
Tinsley drove Harrington down to Hartford in ’93 to get my
February 8, 1998
I had a scheduled meeting with
Dr. Zeman. I mentioned the issue of lack of advocacy in the Church.
I definitely had none. Dr. Zeman suggested that I should call Fr.
Jim Gill, S.J. who used to be the staff of IOL in Hartford. Dr.
Zeman said that Fr. Gill knows the politics of the Church.
February 13, 1998
I read an article in The
Catholic Free Press of this day “View from the Vatican: A
top-level checkup” by Cindy Wooden. This had my interest because I
was told in discussion with some priest that at this “ad limina”
visit to Rome by the U. S. Bishops. 7 Part of their agenda would
address the sex abuse crisis. I did think that this would get me out
of my “isolation” that I had to be living. I hoped that by getting
the issue on the table there would have been some movement for a
hearing of my overall situation. I was wrong, again. It was another
situation as in the Cartoon- Peanuts. There is one particular
sequence when Lucy is holding the football for Charlie Brown to
kick. Every time Charlie Brown tires to kick the football, Lucy
pulls it away. Charlie Brown falls each time on his back.
February 14, 1998
The model that I thought I was
facing was similar of the Worcester Diocese operating like in the
present White House Crisis- President Clint with Monica Lewinsky.
The White House Crisis had a Special Prosecutor- Kenneth Starr I
Bishop Rueger with Msgr. Tinsley and Fr. Pedone).
I wondered whatever happened to
the Diocesan Review Board that was established by Bishop Reilly
concerning priest abuse. But, the thought prevailed with Ruegar as
the Kenneth Star of Worcester Diocese.
I was waking-up at 3:00 A.M. as
an alarm clock where I toss and turn for another hour before falling
back to sleep. I, also notice that I had my famous back-pain where I
was not able to move normally. It was similar to the times that I
had Bishop Harrington coming to the parish for a Confirmation
February 17, 1998
Fr. Charland seemed to protect
himself at the parish with “Respect his (Fr. Kardas) privacy.” This
line was used by Rueger and a number of the Chancery Gang. They
didn’t want any contact with me. I realize this is a very common
expression used by many. But, this group in the Diocese have used it
for a certain spin.
This phrase was more of smoke
screen from the Diocese for a screw-up and violation of my rights.
What was happening was personalities dominated any principles. If
“respect his privacy,” why were there so many stories (rumors)
flying about me.
What was strange was that I
felt as I was being used as a “lighting rod” for certain people.
But, I was even told that “they are protecting your privacy.”
One example was that the
clerical talk was that I was controlling the parish This was a lie.
I was extremely careful with this issue of “undermining the Bishop”
in my isolation. What did those that spread such a rumor think that
I was controlling the parish today, the world tomorrow. This is not
But, I do know that I wanted to
get my issue on the table. I did keep mentioning to my Team that
there should be a cross-examination of the two girls that made the
allegations against me.
This day, I read in a local
paper about Fr. Peter Inzerillo. But this time, I read it was not
anything about sexual abuse. It was about Inzerillo running a
I take the road of remaining
somewhat obscure because of my case. Inzereillo, who also had been
allegated, goes and hits the public route. For the holidays of
Christmas and Easter, he does group performances. He is quote in the
Sentinel & Enterprise “We do a fund-raising campaign for
ourselves by letter writing, so that when we sing, we can give over
the entire proceeds to the charity we’ve selected.” The paper title
the article “Chorale with a Cause:: Montachusett Chorale put ‘fun’
in fund-raising.” 8
What I observed at this time
was Inzello’s Chorale was called the “Montachusett Chorale.” It was
up to this time called the “St. Anthony Choarle.” There was a change
in name. Somebody clipped Inzelleo for such a thing to be done.
Believe me, I’m watching this Inzello case more than maybe a lot of
others were. The reason was that I knew he was part of The Chancery
Gang by his being the Director of Vocations. Well see.
It gets interesting watching
certain priest operate. This was neither my style oropus operandi in
the parish or even on Administrative Leave. What I was also watching
was how the Diocese would handle Inzello operating as such. If I
ever tried anything public, the Diocese most likely would have sent
the Vicar for Clergy (Picclomini) to talk to me.
February 19, 1998
Conne Rivard received a note
from Mrs. Gail Robinson which was interesting to a rumor that was
circulating that I was receiving help from parishioners. Mrs.
Robinson tired a few years back to get a 20/20 Club to help me. I,
immediately, tried to curb this because of what the Chancery might
have done by “the undermining the Bishop” perspective.
What was directed on this was
that I suggested if anything to help financially be offering for me
to say Masses. So, it was handled that anything donated would be for
Masses. It was finally organized by having ten people giving into
What I did was offer Mass for
each of them each month. I did daily Mass in private of my room.
But after I resigned
my Pastorship, this assistance stopped. It was appreciated because I
did not have access to any Mass Stipends.
February 20, 1998
I noticed in my writing that
there were times that I didn’t put certain points because I thought
they were too raw and private to share with others. I thought I was
flexible and patient. But, I was feeling that as an alleged priest
was similar as an abused prisoner. But, I had a new inner freedom, a
hew hope and a new creativity. One thing then came to mind was how a
new spiritual freedom often required a spiritual battle.
While attending AA meeting, I
heard “Only God could give me what I deserved.” I don’t go with this
type of philosophy. I realized that I have to do it, get it and then
deal with it.
I notice lately that old
friends reacquainted with me and entered into. But, what I suspected
was these people only wanted to get an update of where I was at.
More of a nosey get together. It felt as though they wanted
information for themselves. They really didn’t care that much about
me personally. Why I can say that is that I wasn’t getting calls or
holiday cards from these re-acquainted people.
February 28, 1998
The last time I spoke with
Attorney Carey, I noticed an interesting reaction from Carey with a
number of questions I was hitting him with. He reacted to me by
saying “You’re lucky you don’t have the sheriff at your door!” He
popped this as a quick angry slip.
I only was asking questions
that were pertaining to my situation. But, what I was trying to find
out was what being done on my behalf. Carey reaction had me
wondering of what was really going down.
I read an article in
America, dated this day, entitled “Confessions of a Canonist.”
What I read was directed from having a Fr. Lynch, who died, then Fr.
Bowen, who was not actually representing me. The article stated “A
balance is sought between those in the church who would like to have
law completely expunged from ecclesial life and the other extreme
that regards canon as handy hammers for use against recalcitrant
violations of approved practices and procedures. Most canon lawyers,
however, see the law as a vehicle for preserving and protecting
those parts of the institutional church that are needed to provide a
certain stability in living out the Christian community. They also
realize that the law must respect the ability of mature people to
make responsible decisions as they respond to the call of Christ to
live the Christian message.” 10
When I read this I had to
realize that I was dealing with both civil and canon law. My issue
was my priesthood. So, when I read about the “hammer” aspect, it
came to mind immediately what Bishop Harrington began his first
meeting with me of “Your guilty till proven innocent.”
I read here that “Most canon
lawyers….” phrase. 11 My experience was Fr. Lynch doing everything
to defend my right, Fr. Bowen just going through the motions of
representing me and Dr. Deibel saying “Get out of Dodge City.” Then
I had to be humiliated by Fr. F. Stephen Pedone with his finger
pushed into my chest telling me “Resignation (letter) tomorrow!”
Yet, I read in this article
“They also realize that the law must respect the ability of mature
people to make responsible decisions as they respond to the call of
Christ to live the Christian message.” 12
This was very much missing in
the Diocese of Worcester and my case. All my life was dedicated to
the ministry of the Church especially as a priest. The Diocese of
Worcester used me as the “Poster Boy Priest.”
I recalled a key point at this
time where Dr. Zeman was asked for another written evaluation on me.
He told the Diocese that he would not change one word from the
original evaluation. But, nothing happened. Just wait. I was told by
the Diocese “We’ll call you.”
March 2, 1998
I traveled to Cambridge
(Boston) to meet with Msgr. Jim Mangellozzo at Weston (School of
Theology). Jim is a priest of the Diocese of Worcester who is dong
graduate work at Weston. I wanted to get information from him about
the school and what it had to offer me for a possible sabbatical.
Jack and Joan Keena drove me
Cambridge- Harvard Square. Jim gave us a tour of the school –
Weston. After the tour, Jack had other things he wanted to do. So,
Jim and myself were able to have a coffee to talk.
I mentioned a few things about
my particulars and hopes. I mentioned how in the Diocese of
Worcester, there is character assassination constantly going on. Jim
made a remark that was penetrating: “Our priest are like crabs in a
bucket. When almost climbing out, the others grab the crab back into
He said that that the Worcester Diocese seemed
to constantly leak information about priest. He related that this
kind of talk was constantly being done.
Jim told me that he knew
nothing of my particulars. He made it a point to tell me that he
does not read the Worcester papers.
I did mention about me
attending Bishop Flanagan’s wake and funeral with Rueger in my face
with a few comments that were directed at me to be very defensive.
Jim said that was Rueger’s style. I had to remind Jin that I was
referring to the physical nature of trying to sniff my breath.
Jim was most supportive towards
me trying to get permission to attend classes at Weston. But, he was
very uncomfortable with what was happening in Worcester.
The coffee that we shared in the school
cafeteria had him very uncomfortable. But, he always spoke about the
Worcester Gang very professionally. But, there was something much
more in his concern for me to be able to get some classes at
March 3, 1998
I received the regular mailing
to priest for Mass of Chrism (April 7th) at St. Paul’s
Cathedral. 13 The envelope had a stick-on label to the Palmer
address. The Chancery knew I was living in a studio apartment in
Gardner for almost four years. The Chancery did have my change of
address. I received my monthly stipend at the Gardner address. I did
attend. It was good to see some of my fellow priest and classmates.
I recalled how in 1995 at the
Chrism Mass which was my 25th Anniversary Group and
Bishop Harrington. Bishop Reilly had my class vested and seated in
the sanctuary. Also seated in this area was Bishop Harrington. When
my name was announced by Bishop Reilly, I stood. In the corner of my
eye, I noticed Bishop Harrington turned his body in his seat with a
deep penetrating stare. I recalled that stare where I kept focused
on Bishop Reilly who said “The young looks of our priest is so good
But, Harrington remained in the
same position looking at me with his “bulldog” facial expression.
I sat after my name was called
thinking of Harrington’s stare and was thinking that he was not
anymore my boss, landlord and god. He had an aspect of poser that
was portrayed in the model I had described that was characterized in
his treatment of myself and a number of priests.
What I didn’t realize was that
this was the last such invite that I was to receive.
What I did recall was how
Bishop Harrington said to me in 1993 that my case would take five
years to settle and get through this. We were at the five year mark.
I read this day in a local
newspaper “G. E. plant to close” in Fitchburg. 14 This brought to
mind how Rueger threw out at me in March of 1993 how my “story is
all over G. E. in Fitchburg.” When I heard this, it didn’t make
sense to me. But, after a while the Carol McCormick, Bob Chatrand
and Msgr. Collete were in the story.
So, what was happening now to
Carol McCormick, Bob Chatrand and Msgr. Collette? I was asking this
because I was never able to say anything or get anyone to question
these individuals about first the allegation or character
What I was able to find out was
that McCromick became married, Chatrand became a member of the Dire
Department in Westminster and Collette retired to the elaborate
retirement annex which the Diocese had in Shrewsbury.
I was told to go away and we
(Diocese) will call you. I waited.
March 4, 1998
An article appeared in the area
paper at this time about “repressed memory.” The story was from
Providence, R.I stating ”The theory of repressed memory is on trail
in a Providence court.” The article had reference how in 1994 there
was a conviction of sexually molesting the daughter of a girlfriend.
“Quattrocchi’s case was the first in R.I. based on an accuser’s
supposed recovered memory.” 15
What was interesting to read
from this article was “But during the hearing two member of Barden’s
team contended that the woman’s therapist, doctor and mother all
planted suggestions that there were memories of abuse she was
supposed to remember.” 16
March 10, 1998
I maintained a two meeting a
week AA schedule. This meeting the chairperson asked me to have a
topic. I mentioned “Fear.” I wanted to hear others share their
insights on this. I did not want to have a gloom and doom or
laughing-jack development in the group. The group was off and
ruining with the first person saying the definition from AA Big
Book: Fear is the lack of faith. Another person spoke that
“fear” is addressed all through the Big Book. I experienced a
good meeting with the members sharing and offering support.
March 20, 1998
What was being reported on the
national scene was the Dallas case of Fr. Rudolph Los. The
National Catholic Reporter had the story as “Three in Bos case
settle for $7.5 million.” But, when I read in this article “tony
Migini, 26, one of the three plaintiffs involved in the settlement,
said he didn’t want the diocese to be crippled by the payments. ‘We
feel we got our point across, ‘ he told The Dallas Monitor News.
‘The church does a lot of goof things. I think they needed to hear
our message loud and clear, and I think they did.’” 17
When I read this article, I
immediately thought of Weber doing the same thing on the Diocese of
Worcester. She played her allegation out until it was time for her
to give her disposition under oath. She never showed up and had the
lawyers waiting. Then the lawyers began s closure procedure.
Meanwhile, I was sitting in
limbo. The phrase of Bishop Harrington saying that I was “Guilty
till proven innocent” resonated in my head.
March 21. 1998
When I talked with a number of
priest in the Diocese said how Bishop Rueger was the Kenneth Star
(Washington Republican Prosecutor). Rueger had a reputation with
some priest of watching what one said to him. It was an interesting
insight. I was not the only won that had this observation about
It was enough for me to re-read
Fr. Deibel’s article in The Priest magazine of July,
1997about the sex abuse crisis entitled “The Unforgivable Sin.” 18.
He related the issues that I felt were part of my roller coaster
ride. I felt at times fear, pain anger, frustration, resentment,
despair, abandonment and mistrust. Besides this, I maintained an
image of watching the sail and keeping my hand on the rudder.
The talk around the area was
that “Ted is being taken care of by the Diocese.” Msgr. Tom Needhan
and Bishop Rueger told this same story to Bob O’Brien at his Hot Dog
truck in West Boylston.
Oh? The Diocese was “taking
care” of me, alright. These qualities I had previously described
were now a part of my life. But, they are part and had been part of
my life. I am, always, learning.
March 24, 1998
I was concerned with the issue
of the media and how to handle any questions that a reporter may
ask me if approached. I wondered if I may get a phone call or
reporter attempting to get a statement from me. What about
having to talk in public about my particulars?
What I understood, at this
time, was the Diocese prevented me from participating in any
specialized priestly ministry. It prevented me from persuing
employment in virtually any area. What else was I able to do
especially with “notoriety” of my story printed in the newspaper.
I did find out that
Worcester Diocese says that a priest on Administrative Leave would
be able to do “part time” work. If a priest takes a full time job,
it is a different matter. What that means most likely is that this
priest would lose his health and retirement package.
This is the unwritten
policy of Worcester. But, other Diocese in our country have
different policies and approaches.
I was taking everything I was
able to take from the Diocese. They, actually, slammed the door on
my priesthood by telling me to “wait for us to call you.”
I have never had a chance to
defend myself besides the Bishop with his Chancery Gone Squad
intergrading me. I never had any advocate with me at any time in
The question I had at this time
was:” Did Attorney Carey have me sign my own “death warrant”
I realized that Bishop Rueger
tainted the suite with this conflict situation. When I resigned my
Pastorship, I felt I was forced. The Diocese abused Canon Law in the
overall format and procedure. Yet, my Canon Lawyer- Fr. Deibel did
not advise me or defend me at this point with the Worcester
Diocese. I felt as a classic-hatched, matched, dispatched case.
March 25, 1998
I visited with Don and Angie
McClain in Worcester for coffee. We knew each other from St.
George's Parish when I was assigned there as a newly ordained
priest. Angie did teach for me in the parish religious education
program (CCD). Don worked at Holy Cross in administration.
Don shared a number of
insights from a administrative viewpoint. He said: “You have two
things against you- accusations and alcohol . You have to retool
yourself. Get into a degree program. Fr. Jim Gill, SJ is able to say
things, you can not. . Bishop Rueger sees you as explosive.”
When he mentioned
Rueger, I internally felt that this “coffee invitation” was a set-up
by the Worcester Chancery on me. It was so strange that Don had a
number of specifics to relate to me. What was also interesting that
his wife Angie went to another part of the house when he started
speaking to me.
I guess I will never know. The
McClains’ did keep sending me a Christmas card. But, I did know that
they kept in contact with Rueger as personal friends because Rueger
was in residence at St. George's Rectory in the ‘70’s.
There is the
possibility that Rueger was using this contact to influence me to
leave. Especially, when Don McClain said to me: “
March 26, 1998
I realized at this time that I
had to be more confrontive to the Diocese and others about these two
allegation against me. They were allegations and people were using
my previous drinking against me. The allegations were not true and I
haven’t been drinking for some 20 years.
Then I was told that the new
Temporary Administrator of St. Edward’s, Fr. George Charland, didn’t
want to hear anything that went on before in the parish. The parish
staff tried talked about not being able to get through any issues of
what was done in the past. Charland wanted nothing of what was
before. He even told Connie Rivard that St. Edward’s was a whole new
parish and nothing was going to be the way it was.
Basically what that pertained
too: Forget the R.C.I.A, (Rite of Christian Initiation) Model,
especially Mystagoigia , Lay Presiders. Parish Pastoral Council.
Collaboration, Sacraments were not to be a separate tract but part
of religious education and the spirit of Vatican II.
The parish staff
related how they felt they were put into a box and were not allowed
to get out . It was observed due to one staff member- Mrs. Pamela
Swedberg who seemed to power play over everyone and any policies
that were established at St. Edward’s. The staff had to operate in
an atmosphere that was described as Swedberg giving the first story
to Fr. Charland as false stories and twisted accounts. Who knew that
the parish staff was not able to get anyone to sit and must listen
I recalled how previously that
Pam Swedberg had a code name- Mother Superior. She acted and
portrayed that characteristic in manner and talk. But, after my
departure, it all flourished in a power and control manner.
March 29, 1998
Interesting how different
people were dealing with me. I had the G. Ronald Leger experience in
helping me and then no contact. Now, I was watching Father Gamache
doing a “dance” around me. It seemed for the past few years, Gamache
picked me up for the Chrism Mass at the Cathedral. But, this time,
he says to me that he had some parishioners from his parish to go to
the Cathedral for the oils. This was a diversion scheme on his part.
He, never, had anyone get his parish oils.
So, what may we had
happening was the Gamache watching out for himself in his classic
form. He used to have Fr. Gerry Branconia doing Masses whenever
Gamache was on his time-off. Well, a few weeks previously, he
started talking about Branonia in a negative light. It seemed that
whenever Branonia said Mass, Gamache’s parishioners spoke very
formativately of him and his Mass. A few parishioners commented to
Gamache about this. Well, it was the end of Fr. Branonia doing Mass
in Winchendon. Besides
This, Gamache told me me that Branconia spoke
with Fr. Baker in Gardner frequently.
So, Gamache most likely was
setting himself up at this particular time for a weekend replacement
priest. There were not many priest on what was called the weekend
“circuit” to do parish Masses. But, Gamache knew about Fr. Franis
Roberge who would have attended the Christmas Mass due to
celebrating an ordination anniversary. Gamache would have tried to
groom Roberge to do Masses for him in Winchendon. I had to remember
that Roberge was replacing me at St. Edward’s. Then, he went another
way. Therefore, I did not have a ride.
There were a number of people
that acted in a similar fashion like Gamache. I was thinking that I
should disperse sweet little rose peddles on these people.
April 1, 1998
I contacted Representative
Harold Lane of Holden concerning information about the case of Cape
Cod Veterinarian suing the local newspaper on defamation of
We had breakfast in Holden one
morning at Friendly’s on April 24th. He was not able to get me any
information pertaining to what I was seeking. But, we talked in
general. I knew him from the days of being at St. George's parish
which was part of Holden and he was school principal at Wachusett
Regional High School. We did work on a number of joint programs
during that time.
April 10, 1998
During this Lenten Season, I
reflected on the crucified cross giving me life, suffering, love,
victory. My prayer during this Lent was: O God, just save me from
your people because of the system (power and authority).
Then I recalled Eugene Andrews
telling me how Bishop Harrington told him: “If he (Harrington) told
the truth about the priesthood, he wouldn’t get any priest.” Figure
April 12, 1998
I celebrated Easter in my own
way without a Faith Community.. I knew I wanted only to be the
priest that I was ordained to be. There was nothing that I was
interested in besides doing pastoral work.
April 13, 1998
I was reflecting about my next
appointment with Dr. Zeman. I was realizing that Zeman was my my
only contact with the Diocese of Worcester. Therefore, I used the
approach of of wanting to re-assert my rights.
I recalled one story told me of
the Church operated in a black room and wanted one to find the black
April 16, 1998
I visited Dr. Zeman for my next
scheduled appointment. I began with the issue of my rights. Dr.
Zeman came right back at me. He said that I was going to have to
swallow a bitter pill. He told me that the Diocese was not going to
put me back in anything. Then he asked me “What can you do?”
I said that I wanted to fight
the false allegations. Zeman said that I would next a lot of money
to do that. He. also, reminded me that it would be very difficult to
go up against the Catholic Church as such.
He did tell me that it was too bad that my case
went to he public print.
I then asked Dr. Zeman if he
had spoken to the Diocese about my case. He answered that it had
been some two to three years since speaking about my case. He then
told me that I was not able to actually face my issue until a year
ago. He then said that I had to do something my “self esteem.”
I realized that I had to set a
goal. I needed to definite and develop my creativity.
But, I had to realize that with
Bishop Reilly, it seemed he was as a banjo player- he plucked, we
May 2, 1998
What I was realizing in church
work how personalities were dominate over principles. Again, I heard
from Connie Rivard that she asked Fr. Charland when the parishioners
were going to get parish financial report. He answered her that St.
Edward’s was not the parish that she knew before. The coded message
was that the pastor decided everything and what he wanted to do was
it. Since Vatican II, there was much more consultation,
collaboration and openness. It seemed that anything as such was a
thing of the past especially ministers working as a “Team.”
This was a fundamental
bases because of Baptism. The R.C.I.A. explicitly directed all in
the direction that we, in the Church, are all equal due to Baptism.
Then, we carry out our individual ministries. . So, when you hear of
what Fr. Charland was saying, all type of red flags would go up.
What this means is back to the vertical/authoritative model against
the horizontal approach.
This follows through
with rumor that I heard that Bishop Harrington was “cleaning-off the
plate” before his retirement. This showed the manipulation the
Diocese was using. But, the Church was operating in the vertical
model of “Sole Cooperation.” Which suggested a totalitarianism- one
Besides this, I was
hearing in the Deanery how a few Pastors were going back to the
Grade level approach to sacraments instead of the Two Level format.
One Pastor told me that his Religious Sister Coordinator “just
doesn’t get it.” So, he was going back to the Grade Level format.
What I knew was that the Two Level approach had a separate format of
candidates readiness besides religious education classes. It did
mean more work on everyone’s part. But, it strengthened all aspects
of the Church. But, this was a “dead letter.” Mu famosu art poster
of the “Gas Station” vs. the “Faith community” gad the “Gas
Station” winning. It was back to the easier rout by just driving-up,
telling the attendant to fill it up and drive away. Sad.
A number of people were
wondering why I don’t counter-sue or even sue Bishop Harrington for
going after me. I, as a priest, am not allowed to sue one’s Bishop.
The other situation was that you need money to sue. I am not in that
class of finances.
May 3, 1998
The atmosphere at this time was
such that even the TV program “Nothing Sacred” about a parish in an
inner city setting had a show already in the “can” involving Fr. Leo
being accused of sexual abuse. The show was on ABC, Thursday s at 8
P.M. “ ‘Nothing Sacred’ looks kike the best television series ever
produced about the rich and often complicated lives of American
Catholics.” 19This particular program was titled “The Sleeping dog”
episode about Fr. Leo being allegated. There were five programs made
on this but never shown.
May 4, 1998
I had coffee with one of my
high school classmates who I didn’t see for a number of years. He
was working for the Church and wanted to talk with me. He was not a
priest. He was looking to find out how I was doing with my case. I
realized he was “fishing” for information. But, he did say how that
I was working in a very interesting “special cliques.” It was his
phrase that had me thinking. What was he trying to get across to me.
Then I recalled one particular
sequence of events that had me open my eyes. This was when I was
appointed to the DEF (Diocesan Expansion Fund) Committee. The
appointment was for three years. It was the Diocesan loan committee
for parish projects. I realized that serving on this was only an
A number of times, I recalled
how Bishop Rueger who was an ex-officio member pushed things through
without the committee having anything to say or allowed to react in
One specific example was when
the pastor from St. Leo’s, Leominster came to the DEF for a parish
loan. This priest was totally unprepared for anything at this
particular session. We began to ask a few questions and he was
unable to answer any of them. Rueger came forward to “cover-up” for
this guy. The Committee didn’t get a chance to vote. I recalled how
Rueger just thanked the Pastor for coming to the Committee and
escorted him out of the meeting room. Next! I read in the minutes
that the loan was granted.
Then I got thinking how there
was a number of other cases that were handled in this manner by
Rueger. I wondered why even have a committee and take up my time or
anyone's time. I got to realize that the “special clique” thing
prevailed and that was that. I became more and more that the
“special clique” group were “sealing themselves in” with the
“dragnet going through the water” that I was caught in.
This was one area that I had to
endure. But, the “speical clique” aspect was in full glow.
May 8, 1998
I realized with my ordination
that the Bishop of the Diocese was in charge. It was my impression
that Bishop Harrington was “cleaning off his plate.” This was the
clergy talk in the Diocese. I had other impressions going through my
mind contrary to this type of thinking.
Harrington had a certain way of
conducting business that was improper and unpredictable in a work
ethics. A new era was being shown by him of applying absolute rules
and attending punishment. The aspect of reputation did not carry
much significance in how he treated his priest- that is certain
priest.. One primary example was how he called me over at the
Confirmation Dinner while a number of priest were seated at a
restaurant in Leominster group by saying “Hej! Polack! Come here.”
It was a very derogatory remark addressed at me. I didn’t say
anything but was thinking to answer him that I am an American of
Polish ancestry but was concerned of what he might do next to me.
This exemplified how the Church was a totalitarianism society- one
man system that expresses certain dangers.
I recall reading during this
time how a Cardinal from Washington D.C. told a reporter that
although the protocol had lessened over the years, many bishops
still hesitate to give full details about their conversations with
the pope (John Paul II) during their private meetings. The Cardinal
said he did not think it was appropriate to be too specific about
his last meeting with the people. After a private meeting, he said
“you’re only supposed to quote the pope when he tells a joke.”
What came to mind with
everything going on was the five year concept. One of those
notorious meetings at the Bishop’s Residence had Bishop Harrington
make the statement that “It will take 5 years”
It was almost 5 years to the day.
I had no advocacy to talk with
in handling what was happening with me. I even had to hear on a
phone call from Fr. Stephen Pedone, Diocesan Canonical Vicar,
telling me “Canon Law is all finished for you, Ted!” This call was
May 29th. My question was exactly “What was Canon Law
over with?” Was it something to do with 5 years to remove a
Permanent Pastor (PP) by keeping me out of the parish (Absent Pastor
Provision) for 5 year and then the Bishop is able to appointment a
new pastor? Or what? I didn’t have any opportunity to defend
anything. One must not forget that I was told by Rueger that “We
will get in contact with you.” This was the only thing that I was
told. I was coerced or shipped-out versus show me that I abandoned
the parish. I was waiting to hear from the Bishop who never called
me at all. Interesting how Canon Law is used by the Church against a
priest. I had to recall that Bishop Harrington told me in one of
those notorious interrogations at his residence that “This is going
to take five years.” Here was the 5 year mark. It is an interesting
technique used by the Bishop and Canon Law. Absolute authority ? Any
parent that ever has a youngster entering the priesthood, religious
or consecrated life should know this before any encouragement or
The point may be proved that my
belongings were still in the rectory even if Rueger wrote me a note
to remove my belongings with the offer to give me money for storage.
It was all a ploy on the Chancery Gang.. I was only following my
Canon Lawyer’s advice at that time- Fr. Tom Lynch.
The atmosphere at this time had
even my cousin John J. Bish Sr. telling me that he was listening to
a report of the National Broadcasting Co. news in March of 1995
(88.5 AM- Worcester Area) with Cocky Roberts and my name was
explicitly mention with sexual abuse. Johnny even said “Not many
people listen to this station. But, he was driving and almost went
off the road.” Johnny can be Johnny.
I never heard or was able to
confirm this by any sources. But, the game of life was being played
out by a number of people that knew me.
This day I stopped at Bob’s Hot
Dog Truck in West Boylston. Bob , already, knew all abut the new
pastor being appointed to St. Edward’s. This was an amazing feature
of the Worcester Chancery Gang and certain priest in the Diocese of
getting things in rumor before anything official or otherwise.
May 9, 1998
I was, actually, gong through a
“self-evaluation” proves. I guess one might have called this
“micro-management.” What I realized that this was a wake up call,
again. I needed to 1. Start asking questions that hadn’t been asked
2. Sometimes you do things the same way forever and actually stop
paying attention 3. Ask questions that had not been asked in a long
time that “Sympathizes with both sides describes as a ‘medival
tale’, story with innuendos but lacking a resolution that satisfies
with justice or common sense.” 20
This carries the message that
Attorney Carey told me at our last appointment ”You can re-open
this case (after signing settlement) anytime you want.” It would be
great to have money.
May 17, 1998
The Atmosphere had the Roman
Catholic Diocese of Bridgeport (Conn.) pay $1M for cover-up. The
Father Lawrence Brett was the alleged priest that compensatory
damages for breaching its duty to parishioners by covering up and
failing to investigate claims of sexual abuse by Brett. This
case had the plaintiff saying that he repressed memories of the
abuse until 1991, when a conversation with another friend about
sexual abuse by Brett touched off a “wave” of recollections. 21
Things as such a story were
already in circulation before the famous “Bob’s Hot Dog” encounter
of knowing too much.
Yet, the media was, also,
covering stories as “A new sexual harassment dynamic: In
counteroffensive, the accused are now suing their accusers” which
was printed in The Boston Globe of May 18, 1998. 22 This
article showed a shifting attitudes embolden accused to turn on
their accusers. What I was facing was “gulity till proven innocent”
syndrome with Bishop Harrington and the Church. What I realized was
that my case was “paint-by-the-numbers.” The picture was already
sketched by the Church on any and all allegation cases. But, would
we see another approach by the Diocese of Worcester?
I had the stark realization
that I had no advocacy anymore. I wondered and waited for “My
Turn.” I never really did get one. I would have been satisfied to
only get to present 1/8th of my story.
May 22, 1998
I heard an interesting
conversation about the Worcester Chancery Building flooding.
Actually, this story came out from a Massachusetts Officer through
the Western District Worcester County Court that the Chancery
flooding was sabotage because the Diocese wanted all of it’s records
destroyed. The story went that the Diocese didn’t want to be sued or
any cases brought hp against themselves.
Supposedly the Diocese had
hired a private detective agency to remove all the wet records and
then they were destroyed. The talk on the investigation circuit was
such action was, actually, a conspiracy on behalf of the Diocese of
There was the follow up that
Rueger told the Presbyteral (Priest) Council that no records were
ever damaged in the vault. It is interesting that Rueger even
addressed this issue in any manner. The story was that Rueger made
it know that any priest would like to review his personal file, he
was welcomed to see it. Then, he continued ot say that any priest
would be surprised to see how little was in any priest file. My
immediate reaction was “What set of personal file are we talking
about?” The local news media nor anyone never had anything about
On the sabotage theory, history
is sometimes stranger than fiction. Truth is stranger than fantasy.
This gave me thought that a
section of my story should be entitled: The Other 7/8th
of the story.
What would be most interesting,
if I requested a viewing of my file today. I recalled Rueger coming
to those “notorious” meeting at the Bishop’s Residence with at least
a 6 inch stack of papers. What would he now show me? Better yet, I
would have a civil lawyer request them for me. I would ask the
lawyer to have them sing a prepared document saying that this was my
I was wondering how many times
was I crossing the line with my reflections. Was I including too
many diverse insights on what the Chancery Gang was doing to me? Was
I ticking off some well-connected people in the Worcester Diocese?
Was I dangling too many prepositions? Too many unclear antecedents?
What was this all about? Really.
I read an article in
Commonweal entitled “The Orthodosy Police” by Peter Feuerherd in
the May 22, 1998 issue. He wrote “Well, those are some of the
theories that spin around in my head whenever I ask myself, ‘But
why? All, I ask is for him-or them??- to step forward and explain
how.” Feuerherd was referring to the previous autumn where he found
himself up against the vast Catholic orthodoxy police which operates
in silence, making secret charges and convincing without asking the
accused to know what the accusations were. He summarized “It was
Fuerherd was a layman that
worked for a Diocesan Catholic newspaper. He wasn’t even near the
May 30, 1998
My Aunt Annie (Anna S. Bish)
died this day in Providence House, Southbridge, Massachusetts. She
was my mother’s younger sister and the mother of John Bish. She
lived next door in the family homestead with my grandmother. She
would look after me and her son many times when we I was growing up
as a toddler on South Street, West Warren, Massachusetts.
May 31, 1998
This day an
interesting event occurred in Westminster. Lightning struck the
church tower at St. Edward’s a few moments before the 11:00 A.M.
The lightning strike
hit the church tower and damaged the light panel in the church
sacristy and shorted the wiring through the main church building.
One parishioners told
me that God was speaking: “What are you doing to my son, Thaddeus.
You People of God.” A new Temporary Administrator was taking on his
duties the next day. This was to be Fr. Charland, where this was the
last Mass Fr. Roberge was celebrating at St. Edward’s
It is interesting. It
begs the question: Does God speak through lightning?
June 1, 1998
My Aunt Annie’s
obituary appeared in the local newpaper. It announced the
calling hours (June 1st) and Funeral Mass the next day
(June 2nd) at St. Stanislaw BVM Church, West Warren, Massachusetts.
What I had to face at
this time was that I had not celebrated Mass publicly since leaving
the parish to go to Hartford for the evaluation. I was unofficially
on Administrative Leave. I never was told or received any
correspondence of this But, I never pushed doing a public Mass
where I did celebrate Mass daily and privately in my quarters
So, here I was with my
Aunt’s funeral facing me. Other priest that were on Administrative
Leave were doing special public Masses with special permission. I
never requested anything up to this time. The main reason was that I
only wanted to return to my Pastorship at St. Edward’s.
I sat with my cousin
John and his wife and Michael Bish in their living room of his home.
The conversation was interesting because I never said anything about
me saying the Funeral Mass. But, Mickey (Bish) immediately started
when we sat down with ”You’ve been gone for so long from town where
not many people know you.” What has that got to do with celebrating
my Aunt’s Funeral Mass?
Then John, my Aunt’s
son, said “You don’t need this on you. Best on your part to just say
nothing.” He said that his mother would understand because she knew
what the Diocese did to me.
Then, they continued
to tell me that they had already had their own organist, singer and
Prayer of the Faithful. What I was not surprised about was that they
had not contacted the pastor- Fr. Borowski about anything at that
time about the funeral.
I was not surprised
because they were their own way or the high way.
What was most
interesting was that I was going to call the Bishop for permission
to do this funeral. I realized that I needed his special permission.
I was going to make the call. But, When I sat with this family group
in the living room, I realized that it didn’t matter with them.
Actually, I felt that this element of my family rather I did not
celebrate the Mass. They were aware that I followed the church
guidelines for liturgy and would not agree with some of their
non-liturgical “gimmeks” they going to do. They were gong to do
their thing because they would tell you this was their Funeral Mass.
Guidelines or not, it was their show. Believe me that was what any
priest had to deal with knowing Hon and Maggie.
So, I celebrated a
private Mass in my residence for my Aunt’s special intention on her
June 2, 1998
I noticed that there was
literature being printed around this time with copyright dates of
1994 and 1995. The different stores in the media and Catholic
publishing houses were flooding with information about sex abuse.
My eyes were opening wide to
the 1995 date because that was when the newspaper article about me
was printed. It seemed that a certain pattern was evolving with
Church authorities in dealing with sex abuse complaints.
Then I heard about one of the
parish “team” members at St. Edwards going around Westminster
saying that she “had a nervous breakdown because of Fr. Kardas’
situation and how people were treating Fr. Roberge.” She claimed
that she was seeing a psychiatrist. This same person had other
issues but was blaming everything on my situation and the situation
at the parish. I’m sure if she had to show a paper trail of seeing a
psychiatrist and counselor, it would not have been possible.
Also, I found out that certain
individuals at the parish were doing there own thing in ministry.
They would adapt certain crisis characteristics that were more about
their personality traits than what was actually happening in the
parish. These people were “acting” and a coupe of them bloomed with
a crisis mode. They knew no more than I did or anyone else at the
parish of what was happening concerning me.. But, they wanted people
to come to them about the latest gossip. They should have been
provided soap boxes to carry around with them to give hourly
But, I had to realize that
“group dynamics” has church people no different than any other group
in our society. I learned that certain people have other agendas
than the ideal of ministry such as looking for clients, paid job
positions or plain ego’s in that they have to be seen and
recognized. The string was, always, tied to something else around
the corner syndrome.
This was where I challenged
parishioners with a poster that read “The Church is not a gas
station (Only get what you want) but a Faith Community- ministry
I recalled that when I was
working on my M.A at Assumption College, I did a study on the
distinction between religious education voluntaries and those
working in similar roles for financial pay. The statistics and
research proved no difference. I should have realized at this time
that in trying to get people to take their baptismal responsibility
to issue in helping and reaching out to others as part of God’s
gift to others.
But, I realized that with the
renewal of the Church that I had to “convert” the people sitting in
the pews during Sunday Mass. Adult education programs were the
direction that I was heading the total parish All the other
evangelizing programs that the Church was promoting never begin with
the adult faith community as such. But, those sitting in front of me
when I preached were the ones that actually needed to be converted.
I attempted by promoting what the Church taught with Vatican II in
being conscious, active and fully participating in the mystery of
the Eucharist. This was my main goal of being the Pastor of St.
Edward’s- in converting first those that were in the pews.
I, also, tried to be know as a
pastor of understanding, dialogue and moderation. But the R.C.I.A,
which was promoted in 1984 by the Church, was not universally
accepted by most clergy. I immersed myself in ministry with this and
it proved to be very threatening to my fellow priest brothers and my
Diocesan Chancery Gang.
June 7, 1998
It was announced that a new
pastor would be assigned to St. Edward’s. It was officially
announced in the June 12th issue of The Catholic Free
Press. I, actually, resigned my parish on August 1, 1997.
I was told that I had to speak
to Connie Rivard about only putting a $1 in the envelope. I was told
by a parishioner that this was being used against me by the priest
in the rectory and this carried to the Chancery.
I had nothing to do with such a
tactic that Connie was using. Connie had her own mind and way of
dealing with the institutional Church before my coming to St.
Edward’s. This was Connie’s way of “protesting” which she did before
my time at the parish. She was an individual that was a committee of
one. There were no other people following her technique. So, if
anyone in the rectory tried to say anything about Connie's $1 and
connecting me in any way was totally wrong. But, I imagine this
fueled a paranoia that certain people in Westminster and the
Chancery Office expounded on.
What this parishioner told me
about Connie that “No church envelope would be better.” Connie was
Connie. She had previous encounters with Bishops In Worcester
concerning St. Edwards. My particulars were not a isolated reaction
on her part.
I realized this day was coming.
But, I noticed that the past week I would wake-up at 3:00 a.m.. I
was not able to get back to sleep for another hour. I was tossing
and turning. I would take my rosary beads that I had on my night
table and recite it in where I would lose count in how many times I
said a whole rosary. I, also, noticed that I would change my pajama
tops at least a couple times a night. This was the same reaction
that I had when I was doing my time at IOL, Hartford.
I received a number of phone
calls from different people that I knew, asking how I was doing? I
responded with a very careful positive response.
I recall reading graduation
speeches that were printed in the media at this time of the year. I
used to see myself giving such a talk especially with what I
experienced. I looked forward to such an occasion but now I realized
this would never happen- The Challenge is now!
I read in the news
media story of Fr. John L. Geogan of Boston being defrocked as a
priest. 25 There was follow up article that I read explaining “By
Defrocking accused priest, church deems him incorrigible.” 26 I
experienced an anxiety when I heard this and read the story in the
newspaper. I felt the energy would be drained from me at such times
and I would become weak.
June 8, 1998
What became interesting to read
with Geoghan’s case was an article in the Boston Herald
entitled “Catholics laud decision to defrock accused priest,” which
stated “One woman, attending Mass at St. John the Evangelist in
Cambridge, who declined to identify herself, questioned the motives
of the accusers. ‘I’m not saying the priest was innocent,’ she said
‘But I have to ask why these people didn’t come forward sooner.
Going to the authorities who year later makes it look like it’s
about money.’ “ 27
This message was not mentioned
very many times at all by the media. Actually, I did not recall
reading this again. But, different people did mention the “money”
issue. Very interesting.
Besides this, I thought how
different people had their own personal agendas against the Church.
Then, there is the issue of personal retributions and cover-ups by
others of certain individuals in the system.
June 10, 1998
I had lunch with Fr. Gamache.
He his peculiar message to share with me by telling me that I did
the Sacraments in the parish with “staying power.” He related how
the two priest following me were doing their own thing and the other
priest was in “happy valley” parish work.
I realized that I was changing
things in the parish. But the Chancery and brother priests were
hating me and my work. A number of people I knew in the church had a
similar overview message. Now, I was on the sidelines.
June 11, 1998
I attended my scheduled
appointment with Dr. Zeman in Hartford. I noticed that Dr. Zeman was
more specific with a number of remarks. He related that any work I
may find would not be in what I have been trained in. I understood
it as I should not even think about dong priest work anymore. It was
all over for me as doing priestly ministry. Then, he went on to
stress that I should get to do something with my life before I get
into anger and other negative issue.
Dr. Zeman asked me if I was
still attending AA. I answered that I was keeping the Tuesday and
Thursday meeting in NH because of anonymity. He then asked me if I
had any thoughts of self-destruction? I answered absolutely no such
thoughts. Then, he asked how I was sleeping? I responded that with
the issue of waking-up at 3:00 a.m. and going back to sleep for a
We talked about the role of me
as Pastor was never to be. It was a final, concrete situation. Dr.
Zeman said that the pain of my lose of my parish will be a pain
that will always be with me.
I NOTICE Dr. Zeman getting
somewhat frustrated talking with me. I wondered if he was getting
“squezzed” by the Worcester Chancery to do a “closure.” But, when I
was leaving this appointment he related that I may call him anytime
for another appointment.
But, I sensed after this
appointment that Dr. Zeman wanted me to realize that my reflecting
and writing time was over. I sensed that he wanted me to know that I
had to get out and do something (work).
I wanted to respond that this
is my life. The priesthood for me is a vocation. I, always, had to
balance of what is easily understood trained of primary instincts
which result in primary drives. The drive for distinctions and
power; the drive for security-physical, financial and emotional and
the desire to love and be loved were not why I followed the vocation
to the priesthood. The priesthood was my life of ministry of service
June 13, 1998
I finished reading “The
Orthodox Police” article in Commonweal by Peter Feuecherd of
May 28, 1998.
It dealt with objectivity and
how the Church was handling the abuse situation. It me wondering
about my particulars and any type of defense or ability to get my
case on the table.
Peter Feuecherd had me
questioning how the Worcester Diocese “delted” me as being blotched
out by an airbrush technique that is done to a photo. Was I
dangling too many prep9ostions in my mind? Was I violating some
“tenants of orthodoxy” in how the system worked? Was silence on the
part of authority the way they operate in the 21st
I still had no idea what would
happen to me or anything about my future? The litmus test was in the
question from Dr. Zeman: “Did you drink? Have you been attending AA
All I was seeking was someone
step forward and explain how I should proceed. I was recalling how
Attorney Carey said that I was the Poster Boy by the Worcester
Dicoese. Fr. Deibel saying that all he was doing was “leading me to
the Cross.” The Msgr. Pedone pushing his finger into my chest and
saying “Canon Law is all over for you.”
The answer was in the Diocese’s
“total silence.” I have been airbrushed out of the picture. But, I
was still on station. I may have been airbrushed out. But there is
the other half of the picture still on the screen with more
questions than answers. I hoped each day that someone would question
of who had been airbrushed out and who did the airbrushing?
June 19, 1998
I notice certain works
being used around this time that were repetitive. Words like abuse,
withheld reports, cover-up in general and with the Church meliu.
I was driving through
Spence, Massachusetts and a sing read “Speak-up abut tax abuse.”
The media had a festival on the Church at this time about withheld
repots and cover-up statements.
The atmosphere at this
time even had a Bishop resigning over the sexual abuse scandal for a
A. W. Richard Sipe,
author of Sex, Priests and Power: Anatomy of Crisis, called
the June 2 (1998) resignation of Bishop J. Keith Symons of Palm
Beach, Fla., after an accuser came forward, Sipe said ‘another crack
in the Vatican wall.’ 28 This was the first Bishop in this country
that resigned due to sexual allegations.
Sipe was quoted in this article “ ‘You
can’t be celibate until you know what sexuality is,’ he said. ‘When
people are unprepared for celibate reality, they fall into
uncelibate practices.’ The church still is producing priests that
are ‘emotinallly 13 year old when they are ordained,’ he said.” 29
“Fred Berlin, Sipe’s
colleague at John Hopkins University School of Medicine, said there
is no cure for pedophilia, but it can be successfully treated.
Society can’t just ‘write people off,’ said Berlin, founder of the
John Hopkins Sexual Disorder Clinic.” 30
Then this article “ ‘I
want to believe him,’ Bishop Rober Lynch of St. Petersburg, Fla.,
said at the new conference. ‘But sometime there is such deep denial,
they don’t remember what they did.” 31 This quote had me reacting
because denial is a fact of innocence. Bishop Lynch is generalizing
and distorting what denial really is in our society.
I read this article
and wondered if this is that was why the Diocese was continuing
sending me to Dr. Zeman and AA with nothing else. The brush the
Diocese was using is that it covers all in their approach- everyone
is the same. I reacted because there was the famous “immaturity”
word that Rueger was using to Weber. There was, also, the issue of
Harrington saying to Dr. Zeman is “We will find a psychiatrist that
will make him (Kardas) a pedophile.” The IOL stood by their
evaluation of me, not being a pedophile, in my final evaluation.
But, the church hierarchy had a point to prove. Period. There was
the notorious quote coming to my mind of Harrington: “You’re guilty
till proven innocent.”
June 20, 1998
The Diocese of Worcester was in
Superior Court being accused of “allegedly withheld reports,
letters and other information” in a case against two priests who a
Spencer man alleged was sexually molested as a teen-ager. The
defense lawyer for the Diocese, Joanne L Goulka told the judge that
the “1972 report wasn't specifically requested and the defense layer
had no reason to know whether the report might be relevant to the
This case had Fr. Brendon
O’Donaghue and Fr. Peter J. Inzerillo. These names kept reappearing
in the media. This case was supposed to go to court for trail.
Nothing ever appeared with this particular case.
What came to mind were
a number of issues that kept coming to me when I read the newspaper
on allegation cases of priest and the Diocese.
I may compare this to
the Rod Sterling sequence to the “Twilight Zone.” TV program
series. Sterling would introduce the show with “Enter now….”
Attorney Carey remark
to me that the Worcester Diocese had bigger issues than my case in
which they were dealing with. Then he continued saying to me:
“You’re a Poster Boy for the Diocese.” But, the when Carey said:
Just leave (priesthood) and get out.”
How Bishop Harrington
scratched me from St. Matthew’s parish, Northboro as pastor to St.
Edward’s, Westminster. Fr. Brendon Dongue was able to visit St.
Edward’s and view the situation. Then, he gets St. Matthew’s and
Kardas get bumped to Westminster. The living condition in the
rectory at St. Edward’s were very unhealthy conditions.
Then I go over to how
Bishop Harrington who used his position of declaring to me: “You’re
guilty till proven innocent.”
I, also, recalled
how when in the January of 1993 how Harrington told Tinsley on
leaving St. Edward’s that the TGB Office sing will come down. I was
standing on his side just wondering what game this comment was all
about. It didn’t take long because March, 1993 I had to enter the
Chancery “Twilight Zone.” In one of those first meetings where I was
called in with Bishop Harrington telling me “There are private
detectives following and investigating you as we speak. Also,
another issue was how. in one of the meetings with Harrington and
lawyers, Harrington disclaimed that he never knew that I ever went
to Beech Hill, NH for alcohol treatment. He was the one that was
called by Fr. Paul Foley of Holy family of Nazareth, Leominster and
personally approved me immediately be driven by Foley.
Then Bishop Rueger was
telling priest at clergy meetings that any priest is free to see his
personal file in the Chancery at any time. Why was this a issue to
be on the front burner at this time? Rueger’s classic comment
saying: “If there was one (complaint), no problem. But there are two
complaints. More is going to come out on you!” Besides Rueger doing
the breath smelling approach on me for at least two to three years
previous to the March ’93 bombing. Possibly, it may have been
something else than breath smelling approach on Rueger’s part? Added
to this for Rueger to come for the Confirmation in April of ’93 and
tell the candidates that they “don’t have to listen to Fr. Kardas
(Pastor).” This was because I had the candidates continue on in
some parish ministry after their Confirmation under the direction
of Mystagogy (action). Rueger was complimenting the
Confirmation candidates to an exit sacrament and undermining my role
as Pastor of St. Edward’s. Oh! I had to sit in the sanctuary while
Rueger was preaching this message.
There even was the
conversation about the Chancery Building flooding where my cousin
John Bish, Sr. who told me that it was a “conspiracy.” Would this
have anything to do with missing documents?
re-created the Diocese to be the “Twilight Zone.” I ministered in
this atmosphere of confusion, despair, guilt, doubt, character
assassination and overall unhealthy stress conditions. Where was
God in all of this but showing me an “Exit Strategy”?
June 21, 1998
I was hoping for some form of
advocacy. I wanted my case re-opened. What came to mind, time and
time again, was a remark that Carey made to me: “You can re-open
this any time you want.” What I had to realized next with this
thought, have a lot of money to put on the table for this to happen.
I had no advocacy at all since
I resigned my Pastorship. I was put on a shelf. Yet, I was thinking
in a hopeful nature that I was going to get my chance to put my case
on the table.
June 23, 1998
Bishop Rueger has some
interesting movements in days of last. He moved back to St.
Stephen’s Rectory where he lived previously under Bishop Harrington.
But Bishop Reilly moved him into his residence when he arrived in
the Diocese. But this past month Rueger moved back to St.
Stephen’s. Did Bishop Reilly bring him into the Bishop Residence.
Was this a “protective umbrella” technique or what? Bishop Reilly
moved Rueger back to Highridge Road (Bishop's Residence) before the
March, 1995 article about my allegations also naming Rueger in the
suit in The Worcester Telegram. Now, we have 1998 and Reilly
moved Rueger back to St. Stephen’s Rectory. Watch the bouncing ball
What I was hearing
people say was that there was “pious lies” being said by the
Worcester Diocese. When I heard this term, I recalled reading Fr.
Bernard Haring, Vatican II peritas- expert and moral theologian who
has said this term a number of times in his writings and talks. This
was the atmosphere that I was living with.
June 27, 1998
I went to read the Worcester
Telegram and The Boston Globe because I heard on WBZ
radio news on the day before about Fr. Bob Kelly and the Worcester
Diocese. They had a sit against them by a girl from Maine. This
girl, unnamed, claimed the Worcester Diocese knew about Kelly. The
radio report, also, interviews a representative of Abuse Group that
said that “guys are out there.” I was not sure what this interview
was directing itself because it was the famous “sound bites” by the
Besides everything else, I came
to realize the Attorney Carey, my civil lawyer, looked like Morton
Dowley, Jr. of national TV. talk show host.
July 1, 1998
I was spiritual reading Fr.
Bernard Haring’s work Free and Faithful. Haring’s The Law
of Christ was my Moral theology texts in the seminary and
spiritual reading throughout my priesthood. He wrote in this book
“Love of Jesus is often a critical love. We have to examine our own
conscience and will view Jesus’ critical love for us…love ourselves
critically. The word criticism comes from the Greek rot Krinein ‘to
judge or distinguish.’ Pope Alexander VI is an example of chaste. In
our pluralistic era, Catholicism that blindly conforms to everything
that come from Rome are certainly not playing their role as ‘salt of
the earth.’ Only those who have clear-eyed vision and praise for
what is good in the Church can offer healthy criticism of what is
and is not in union with the sign of the times correctly understood.
Virtue of a loving criticism are models as great prophets of Israel
and great prophetic figures of the Christian world. Vatican II spoke
of the virtue of criticism be in solidarity to exercise the gift of
discernment to see what holds promise for the future in the the life
of the Church to foster it and to get rid of useless routine. Human
beings who have been permanently sterilized or castrated can no
longer transmit life.” 33
This was some of the stuff I
was encountering abut telling my story. It is the deep “love” I have
for the Church. Don’t forget, I had to face the slippery style of
the Polish National priest about joining their Church.
I had coffee today with Bob
Kalagher. He was a parishioner who worked with me on the Pastoral
Council, Building Committee especially acting as an unofficial
“clerk-of-the-works.” Bob had this coffee with me to get from me
what was happening with my “case.”
This was the regular
run-of-the-mill contacts with me at this time. People called or
wanted me for dinner to get the latest on my situation. I, actually,
had a “pat answer” approach because I was never sure what would get
back to the Chancery Mob. I carried the message of what Fr. Lynch
told me: “There is a dragnet going through the water.” I explained
that one has to watch where the spotlight was not showing approach
I did explain that I was isolated except for the annual May 23rd
card from the Bishop on my ordination anniversary. Besides this, I
heard nothing what so ever. Nothing. I felt shelved. So, if Bob or
anyone else had questions about my case, I would say they know as
much as I do.
I didn’t say it but when I said
I felt isolated, I was really saying the loneliness was very
difficult to handle. What I wanted to say but did not : Who is the
real victim in all of this? The word “victim” is used in so many
different ways in this day and age.
What I didn't mention to Bob
was that my case was a circular self-spin with no bottom. There was
more dept in my situation that had a lot more than I imagined.
Anything I did or would do would be wrong because I showed that
Harrington did more than most people imagined.
I finished my day with a letter
to Fr. Deibel. 34 I sent him an article about the Worcester Diocese
and a number of trails taking place in Worcester. I informed him how
a new pastor was named to St. Edward’s on the first week of May. I
mentioned how this was five years to the week when I was order by
the Chancery to go to Hartford for an evaluation. I wrote how Bishop
Harrington told me in 1993 that this would take five hears.
Strange, how I was used by “painting by the numbers” approach. Fr.
Deibel was in Napa California, who said that he was walking me to
the Cross. He was not far off with that statement.
Actually, I realized that fr.
Deibel was finished with helping me. But, I sent him this update
fully aware that he was done with me. But, I wanted to show him how
the Worcester Diocese was operating. It was “closure.”
July 3, 1998
The thinking had me wondering
again and again. I had to realize that my situation was a misuse of
authority, expressing bewilderment, making me feeling demeaned and
the authority pushing to want me out. The vision that I carried with
my ordination to the priesthood was replaced with disillusion.
I was making sacrifices. One
priest friend asked me if my case was a circle or an eclipse with
This period of time had me
realizing that I had come to “dead end” with the Civil and Canon
Layers by their technique of not returning any responses to my
notes. The last notes that I sent each of these lawyers was with a
written note “For your perusal.”
July 15, 1998
I just was thinking and
reminiscing this day how “the Group that gave me my Pearl Harbor-
Worcester Chancery” knew that I was aware of Bishop Harrington’s
automobile accident while driving drunk and hitting a teenage girl
driving another car. They knew that I heard that the police rushed
and slipped Harrington away from the accident. But the father of the
girl, Frank Palmer, was telling me the whole story at Bob the Hot
Dog’s Truck in West Boylston in January of 1993. The girl’s father
wanted to know my name and asking what I thought about Bishop
Harrington. My answer was that Bishop Harrington had a tough job.
I realized that since I was
ordained not many priest would ever get so many situation in one
lifetime. This must have a movie. It was not.
I recalled how I heard once
that part of setting a goal is finding a way to reach it. I was put
by the Diocese in isolation or another way to describe it- being put
on a shelf. Because of this, I realized that I was losing the edge.
But, each day I would being with another day to try to prove my
Instead of thinking that I was
at a “dead end,” I used a positive approach with “should”
statements. Instead of feeling incomplete and inadequate feelings
which are not good sources for action, I should use words “ought” or
Instead of carrying feelings of
incompetence, indecency, failure or heaping shame on myself, I have
substituted “want” and “would like to” for “should.” Ex.: I want to
succeed and I would like to express myself with clarity.
July 21, 1998
Dianne Williamson of the
Worcester Telegram and Gazette wrote a column of “Court raps
diocese's knuckles: Pretrial rulings involving suits alleging
pedophilia,” about the Worcester Diocese. 35 She wrote how “lawyers
for victims frustrated with the Diocese’s continued patterns of
hedging and hiding as the deposed witnesses and prepare their case,
filed motions for the sanctions in April “35
What was of interest to me was
the names Fr. Brendon O’Donhue and Fr. Peter J. Inzerillo were the
priest mentioned. These two names always have my opening my eyes
wider when I read about them. What I began to realize more than ever
was how the Diocese ”circled their wagons” on certain priest. Why
was that? I was noticing a certain patter with certain priest names
because of certain disparaging remarks that Harrington, Rueger and
other Chancery Gran Officials made personally to me. Yet, certain
priest seemed to be sacred.
July 25, 1998
What I was noticing with
different priest and talking with other people was the issue of
resurging clericalism in the Diocese and the American Catholic
Church. I heard the expression said to me that certain groups of
clergy are “re-sealing themselves” in the ministry.
I was always attempting to get
parishioners to take ownership of their parish and their faith. I
stressed to be adult in their faith and we all work in collaboration
in the parish. Things were changing or re-establishing itself
because of power and authority.
When I spoke about this, people
that I thought were interested in renewal were not. This was where I
though of the poster I had in the side of the Church at St.
Edward’s- The Church is not a gas station but a faith community. I
guess not in my lifetime with the restoring clericalism.
July 26, 1998
I had a interesting
conversation with Mrs Margaret Pelotla on the phone. She was a
former religious sister.
She asked me if I ever had
these two girls in my car? It was that typical “paint-by-the-numbers
approach.” People that asked that type of question , I believe had a
set scenario in their mind.
So, I gave her he same answer
that I gave the Chancery Gone Squad, Hartford (Institute of Living)
and my lawyers: I, always, had people with me going or coming in my
car. What I was saying was: I was with my people. I had not hidden
agendas, being deceptive of any private personal agenda. I was just
with my parishioners. Having anyone in my car would have been a
signal to a lot of closed minded people but I had a job to do and
nothing else- bring Christ in a renewed Church. If people had their
minds in the “gutter,” it was their problem. But, It was used
against me by a certain mindset- guilty till proven innocent besides
what was invented in cockamamie stories. There was the issue of
mind-set by certain personality types. Prejudgment was a definite
factor by these same type of personalities.
Margaret had me answer her
question with a question instead of a direct answer.
What I was realizing at this
time that everything was going one-way- me on defense. There was to
questioning or investigation allowed on my part about the the two
I was, also, realizing that
there was a bigger agenda taking place. I recalled what Attorney
Carey said to me in that the Worcester Diocese had bigger problems.
This was in connection of him saying to me: “You’re the Poster Boy.”
In addition, I recalled Fr. Lynch’s comment: “There is a dragnet
going through the water. The good are getting caught up with the bad
in this dragnet”
August 12, 1998
This day is the first
anniversary of my “forced” resignation as Pastor of St. Edward’s.
What was most on my mind? I was thinking how Fr. Pedone, Canon Law
Vicar, pushed his finger into my chest when I was waiting to get on
the elevator leaving the temporary Chancery. I had the deep lost
feeling that would re-surface especially this day.
August 15, 1998
I was given a message to call
Fr. Kilcoyne. I called and he said that he would like us to get
together for dinner. I told him I was living in an efficiency
apartment in Gardner and gave him my phone number. I, actually, was
listed in the telephone book.
He asked me if he could help me
in any way. I believe this was a conversation gesture because he
knew that I was on limited pay with not rectory benefits. But, I did
say that I would like to get my personal belonging out of the
Kilcoyne asked me what my
thinking was on him being assigned to St. Edward's? I told him that
the parish has been blessed. He, then, told me that he wanted to get
in contact with me because he believed that I was still at Hartford
(Institute of Living) according to the Chancery.
Then, he asked me: “How has
that been for going to therapy? I told him that I was doing it
“under the obedience to my Bishop.”
Kilcoyne then said that he
would see me on Sunday at 7:00 p.m. for me to pick-up my belongings
that were boxed and up in the attic.
When we finished talking, I had
that barfing feeling in my emotional stomach. I experienced a
burning feeling on my arms because of anxiety. I, also, felt as not
being able to find a corner to find peace. My mind began racing with
recalling how Rueger called me on April 3rd to get to the
Chancery. This continued “stinken thinking” continued for me in
remembering was my contact person. This same person was named in the
lawsuit by the two girls. Now, the Diocese was having him as the
person that I had to talk
with concerning any issues that I may have had.
Is there something wrong with this picture?
I had to step-back and look at
the bigger picture. I had by now connected enough dots to get
somewhat of a picture of what I was facing. But, it was not a clear
August 18, 1998
I received a note from Fr. Jim
Mangelluzo. He was wondering how my conversation with the Diocese
was going since our last meeting in Cambridge. 36 He is living in
Leominster and teaching at Weston, Cambridge. I was asking him
questions about taking a few courses at Weston in the graduate level
for an update in ministry. When I even mentioned this to the
Diocese, they reacted very negatively. I realized that I was going
to be shelved.
Jim always was a very personal
and caring brother priest. He presented himself and any topic very
professionally and with clarity. While he was in the Diocese he was
Rector of the Cathedral in Worcester and Director of Worship for the
Diocese as a Monsignor.
August 23, 1998
Thank you baseball for much
needed respect. Because of everything going down with myself and
reading and hearing the media on the sex abuse situation nationally,
it is refreshing to follow baseball. Besides the annual Red Sox
chase, this years home run contest of McGuire, Sousa, and Griffee is
top news. Besides reading for details of priest stories, there is
the details and specifics of baseball.
August 28, 1998
A story appears in The
National Catholic Reporter concerning Fr. Thomas Teczar who was
a priest of the Worcester Diocese. It seemed he was doing priest
duties from 1988 to 1993 in Texas. In this “Brief” it states that
Bishop Delaney of Fort Wayne, Texas wrote “I am willing to give Fr.
Teczar an opportunity to get back into active ministry, fully ware
of the risks that may be involved.” 37 This “brief” mentioned Bishop
Harrington of Worcester.
The Fort Worth, Texas, diocese
was facing accusations that it covered up an investigation into
sexual abuse by Teczar. He was being charged in 1986 with providing
alcohol to a minor and was the target of an investigation of sexual
abuse in Massachusetts.
This was a classic Harrington
case of the hidden pea under the shell game that came back in 1993.
September 5, 1998
I experienced a retreat in
Quebec, Canada for six days. It was different. The location was a
retreat house was north of Montreal in the mountains. The ski resort
of Mt. Tremblant was near where we visited and even took the gondola
ride to the top of the ski resort. This was beautiful country. I
traveled and shared a cabin with Fr. Gamache. The staff of priest
and brothers at the retreat center spoke French with some English.
When we celebrated Mass, it was in French. I celebrated with an
It was a different culture and
overall atmosphere to what I have experience since I was ordained. I
was glad to get back to my “cave.”
When we were traveling, Fr.
Gamche reacted to one point that I was trying to make in our
discussions of ministry. I mentioned how I was reading Converting
the Baptized by John O’Malley, S.J. Gamache strongly reacted
with: No need to do anything with them (in the pews), Ted!” End of
conversation because he was telling me that he is the celebrant in
the sanctuary to do his own thing.
The only time that Gamache
talked about my situation was one time that we were taking a walk
after dinner. He said: “Your particulars (case) are in a situation
where you have no advocacy. You are in a no win situation.” This was
abrupt on his part and nothing else was said about my particulars
during our six days on this retreat.
I felt as though I was hit by a
bolder on the back of my head. This retreat was some experience- get
me out. Better, yet- Where is the escape hatch.
September 8, 1998
I was back at St. Edward’s
rectory getting my personal items moved out. Fr. Kilcoyne waiting
for me in the rectory kitchen. He is a chain smoker. So, with a
cigarette, he starts preaching at me that I need rest for my change
from one ministry to another “direction.” He then asked me if there
was a parish core (click)? He said he didn’t want names. But, he
continued to say that all issues to him an answer and that “he is
know to fix places-up.” He said that he believes himself to be a
“troubleshooter.” This guy had some ego to say the least.
The Diocese and a certain
element of clergy were breeding on “crisis mentality.” A few
parishioners were interested in the overall of the parish. But, most
people at St. Edward’s were attending Mass and going home.
Fr. Kilcoyne reiterated that I
was “going from one thing and now moving to another undertaking.
It’s been five years and enough! Now, it is time for you to move
Fr. Kilcoyne tried to impress
me with the fact that he had all the answers to questions that have
not even been asked. He had these insights that he needed to tell
me. But, he used a psychological flap on everything. An example of
this was that when he said I was in a state of depression.
What came to mind with Kilcoyne
was Clint Eastwood in the movie- Magnum Force where the “Rogue Cops”
of an elite style wearing sun glasses and riding motorcycles. These
cops were chasing and correcting the system with violence and
murder. These cops were in a conspiracy with the police
commissioner. This was my image of Kilcoyne and his circle of
What I felt was, also,
happening was that the underside of the Worcester Diocese was being
exposed. But, the Diocese seemed to be acting like Caesar’s wife of
old who was portrayed as above and beyond everything.
September 11, 1998
I received an interesting
invitation to Forty Hours Devotions at my home parish of St.
Stanislaw, West Warren, Mass. It was interesting for a number of
reasons. First, that Fr. Charlie Borowski, the pastor, would think
of sending me such an invitation to attend and have dinner. The
second was his note: Just to let you know, you are in our thoughts +
prayers + are always welcomed at St. Stanislaw. Your Altar-Brother,
This was somewhat of a surprise
to receive this invitation. I have not heard or anything from any
other brother priest in the Diocese. Charlie did remember me. It did
give me a good feeling. But, I did not attend because I still was
“shell-shock” after all this time. I was taking one day at a time.
People may say what they want. But, I would not have been
comfortable to be with that group of Polish priest. Fr. Charlie
Borowski’s invitation was appreciated. For that matter, I had not
been back to my home parish for over 28 years. So, I didn't imagine
I would have know that many parishioners.
September 14, 1998
I had a conference with my
Spiritual Director. We were talking about my spiritual development
or situation since 1993. It was strange how I answered. I talked
about an Easter note that I had received a number of years ago from
Abby (Marshall) Weber. She visited me while I was stationed at St.
Peter’s, Norhtbridge. Here was the person that allegated me visiting
with her family during Holy Week. Then a number of years, I had to
deal with this. Every aspect of spiritual understanding had to be
implemented. What this conference did help me with was open my eyes
to a totally different understanding of being used as a “Poster
The Diocese was one
aspect of this. But, the two “victims” were co-conspirators in
having removed from my parish and pastoral ministry.
I continued my quest
to clear my name. But, I had resounding in my head what Fr. Gamache
said to me in Canada: “No win solution.” I am still a person.
September 15, 1998
There was a Presbysterial
(Priest) Meeting at St. Edward’s Jack Keena of Westminster stopped
his car and spoke with Bishop Reilly in the church parking lot.
Keena had been a letter writer about my situation for some time.
Bishop Reilly asked Keena: How is it gong, now?” Keena answered: “We
Reilly had been know
for his concern of the “image” and not people. He had been rumored
to have told a priest that he was putting out fires in the Diocese.
This comment to Keena by Reilly had an interesting direction after
everything else that had been going on.
I wondered how much he thought
about my case gong very wrong against the Diocese and that Chancery
Gang that he had surrounding him. So, what they do with me is have
me on the shelf- no contact or anything. Actually, I may describe
this as “frozen.”
Actually, I wondered with the
words of a song from the 60’s- Is there all there is? This was my
feelings at this time. Her I was putting my belongings into storage
boxes and having to travel to Hartford and have Dr. Zeman ask: “What
are you going to do with your life?” This was the coded language of
the Diocese having me in “nothingness” state. Actually, I was
feeling the Diocese was sending me to “therapy” for me to leave the
September 20, 1998
I had lunch with Fr. Gamache.
He made a remark towards to me: “There is a room open at June Street
(Priest Retirement Home). This is where Fr. Ray Lange was living.”
Why did he say this to me? Was
it because of getting a message to from the Chancery Mob to me? I
have watched Gamache operate in that he only does anything for his
own benefit- period. I get the impression that Gamache is thinking
of my eventual “return” to priestly duties. This I realize will
never been in a parish. So Gamache can setting-up for a scenario for
replacing him for weekend Masses when he goes on his “5 retreat a
year” to Quebec.
September 21, 1998
Fr. Kilcoyne called
and asked if I wanted to go and some Chinese food for lunch? I
Kilcoyne immediately started
talking that he heard the year 2004 was the 50th
celebration of St. Edward’s founding, He was diverting from my
initial comment that St. Edward’s parishioners never were recognized
by the Bishop of pay off the mortgage on the newly renovated church
or new center. He quickly brushed this topic in his “quick talk” and
introduced the 50th celebration.
When we sat down to eat,
Kilcoyne starts with: “So, Ted, what are you going to do?” This was
the second time? He did say that he “understands my pain thing.”
This had me going back to our
first lunch with Kilcoyne. He had to continue from then: “You have
to move on! We all have too!” He even said he want to do so many
He then told me that he saw
Bishop Reilly at Harvard Mass. for Fr. Norman Gorman’s 25th
Anniversary of priesthood Mass. He related how Bishop Reilly asked
him: “How is it going? Kilcoyne told Reilly that he had met with me
and that I all of my stuff out of the rectory. Reilly supposedly was
surprised and said: “No problems?” What was he expecting?
I wondered with just like that?
Kilcoyne continued to say that he told the Bishop that: “Everything
is O.K. Fr. Kardas has been really hurt through all of this.” I saw
Kilcoyne attempting to act like a therapist or games. Then he said
that he has been trying to get in contact with Fr. Roberge with no
success because “he was out of town.” But, Kilcoyne said he will
follow-up to find out where my couch and chairs may be? How about
the the list of items that I will give to Bishop Reilly?39 Roberge
knew that I had my whole life of belongings in the rectory. He never
asked any question concerning my belongings. Someone helped
themselves to my possessions? I realized that with my personal
belongings gone, how it felt when someone's house had been robbed. I
felt defenseless, violated and with no sense of recognition.
Kilcoyne talked about Fr. Rocco
Piccolmini- Vicar for Clergy. He said that Rocco works only for the
Bishop in this present administration. He said I had go directly to
Bishop Reilly for an appointment concerning my case. Again, he
pumped-out that I had to talk to Reilly about moving on.
Kilcoyne then invited me to
attend the next Deanery meeting as a guest in October. He said that
he would rap me up and unseal me to the Dearnery brother priest. He
said that I was last at the Deanery meeting and I walked out early
even if I was the host.
I explained to him that it was
because I was being called to the Chancery for another one of those
meetings with Rueger and Tinsley for interrogation. Besides, I
invited the brother priest at this Deanery meeting to go up to the
rectory and enjoy the libations and rectory warmness as long as
they have like to stay.
I told Kilcoyne that I would
not have been comfortable attending the Deanery because of what the
Diocese may have made of my presence. Overall, I missed the monthly
priestly gatherings and a number of brother priest in this Deanery
When I was walking back to my
car in the parking lot, Kilcoyne was at the rectory garage door and
said: “I will keep pushing you to do something.” I turned around and
pointed my finger at him and said that he never walked in my shoes
or ever think that he could understand what these shoes of mine have
walked through or the path that they have traveled.
September 27, 1998
I had a surprised visit by Jack
Keena and Ken Gallagher at my “cave.” I haven’t seen Ken for almost
five years. Ken was like my right-hand man at St. Edward's. He
assisted for funerals in serving, served on the Pastoral Council and
chaired the parish Fall Festival.
Ken told me a few things I was
not aware of previously especially with Bob Chatrand of Westminster.
It seemed that Chatrand told Ken that he was going to “show” Kardas
how to do a Fall Festival and “do other things so different at the
parish.” Chatrand was the guy that worked with Carol McCormick at
GE, Fitchburg and was constantly visiting Msgr. Collette in a
Fitchburg parish concerning what I was doing as the pastor. This
Chatrand, with Msgr. Collette advising him, were undermining the
whole parish. But, one must be aware that Collette was made a
Monsignor by Bishop Harrington and was know of putting his
personhood in other people’s business where he had no jurisdiction
or anything but being a busy body.
Chatrand was going to be a self
appointed spokesperson for the parishioners of changing the Fall
Festival and the Sacramental Program at St. Edward’s. One has to
realize that he had a daughter coming-up for Confirmation. The
program had basic requirements of attending Mass and planning to do
some form of ministry after Confirmation (Mystagogy). Sure, there
was a group of parents that were using Confirmation of their
youngster as an exit plan especially when they were able to get
their youngest child or only Childs through the Sacrament of
Confirmation. Another factor was that certain pastors, like Msgr.
Collette said to Bob Chatrand that “He (Fr. Kardas) can’t do that.-
Mystagogy.” Collette and a few others would not recognize Mystagogy
because most likely it would involve more “pastoral work” on their
part What has to be realized is that this is ritual and not a
program. Programs are optional, ritual is mandatory. But, that mean
anything because it seemed that in most situations, it depended on
who you were.
Oh! Fr. Richard, Msgr.
Collette- a.k.a. Meme Collette (Busy Body Collette).
Ken had supporting
words to give me. By the way, Chatrand was gone from the parish a
short time after I was sent to Hartford for my evaluation.
Priests, as Collette
and Rueger in the Diocese were similar to The Rose Garden of the
White House having hidden thorns?
This was my first day
of internet in my own place and computer. Now, I had access to do
another form of research and communication by e-mail. A new avenue
of information and outside contact is available to me. I’m very
excited besides realizing I had to learn another “program.” The
challenge is now!
October 7, 1998 (54th Birthday)
John Bish called me. He talked
about a number of issues. He said that the Diocese was concerned
about me because of what I could do to them. He said that they are
directing me in an alternative carrier or leaving me high and drive.
What I was most
surprised about was that I did not speak to him for some time and
never mentioned any particulars. I, immediately, speculated that he
had been talking to some priest and others about my particulars.
He went on how the
Diocese violated my confidentiality by trying me in the press
(media). He suggested that I get out of the priesthood. He stressed
that it is not what it appears to be. He told me that he read “case
law” and had many of these insights. He continued by saying that the
Diocese had damaged me and I had to do something.
I thanked him for the
call and wishing me “Happy Birthday.” But, when I hung-up the phone,
I realized another guy like Kilcoyne, had to impress on me their
dynamic insights. I was, but didn’t, relate my previous experience
with Kilcoyne of walking in my shoes. In addition, Bish was picking
the mind of some priest where I noticed by some of his comments to
me. It was “priest talk” that is not usual in ordinary circles. One
would know this experience from their particular profession jargon.
October 12, 1998
One things that I realized was
the my experience at this time with anxiety. I recall that whenever
anything heavy came at me (Harrington at Hartford), it was usually
about 6 hours after the experience, I would get the feeling of being
kicked in the groan. It was a very peculiar experience because of
the actual situation, I believe I conducted myself with dignity and
being professional. But, there was the 6 hour later experience. It
would exhaust me to where I would sit down and want to be in
private. I did have trouble sleeping somewhat by waking at 3 p.m.
and changing my tops of my pajamas.
I was careful to who and what I
said with my experiences. But, I did try to identify and explain
what I was going through in my private journal. I was conscious of
not being quoted to the Church authorities or anyone else
October 10, 1998
I attended a lecture by a
Ronald Watson and editor of Ashby to Andersville: The Civil War
Diary & Remaneces of Private Geroge A. Hitchcock- 21st
Massachusetts Infantry. Watson’s comments that Hitchock was a
survivor who wrote “All we really possess is our reputation.” This
lecture was given at the First Parish Unitarian Church, Ashby.
Watson related that Hitcock was educated by his writing of his
diary. Hitchock wrote very well according to Watson. He, also, said
that Hitchcock wrote as he was not an angry person.
My journal (diary) writing had
one goal- clear my name and restore the good reputation that I have
always strived for in my ministry. As I told Stanley and Kay Giza in
my latest visit that I was going to clear my name was working at it.
But, Stanley told me you need money to do that. I answered him that
I didn’t have the money but I was going to do something and time was
going to be used on my part.
October 23, 1998
I read an article by Fr.
Richard P. McBrien in The Catholic Free Press entitled “Sex
abuse in the priesthood.” He addressed the sex abuse crisis with
Cardinal Law and others. But, he mentioned that Cardinal Joseph
Bernardin of Chicago “had taken a giant step in recent weeks to
reverse this terrible and scandalous record and to enkindle hope
that Church officials will now confront this crisis directly and
honestly. The cardinal’s well-publicized guidelines may become a
model for all diocese.” 40
There never were any guidelines
or anything for my situation. I had my Bishop (Harrington) tell me:
“You’re guilty, till proven innocent.” Then, I was told by the
Worcester Chancery that they would get a hold of me. I heard
nothing. Recalled one time that I was told that I was “warehoused”
by the Diocese.
October 28, 1998
In a discussion with a number
of friends, the conversation was how in the last year there was
nothing more revealed on abuse in the Worcester Diocese. Did anyone
wonder or was there no more money? I was asked if I thought it was
strange like a passing storm that is no more. I wondered. But,
it was only a passing moment of what was to come with the Catholic
Church in this country. I was trying to keep my “compass in line.”
The talk from the area had Fr.
Peter Inzareelo telling people that all his allegations were because
of money situation.
November 13, 1998
The local The Catholic Free
Press carried the article of “Diocese (Dallas) faces tow new
lawsuits.” The article carried the story about the Diocese of
Dallas, Texas “that it faces two new lawsuits filed by the law firm
which earlier this year represented most of the plaintiffs in the
largest-ever clergy sexual abuse settlement.” 41.
The money element is becoming
the issue in the media with intensity. One priest who was retired
(Old Timer) told me this was all exploitation.
December 6, 1998
The different conversations
between priest on things happening with the allegations were
diverse. I heard that the older priest were saying that this was a
classic situations of exploitation. But, there were priest like Fr.
Andrea Guinette who “hated” priest that were allegated. It was told
me because he was a teacher in a Catholic High School at one time.
But, I was told that priest like Guinette would want the spot light
somewhere else especially away from himself. Many knew Guinette
lived like a king and always was at the golf course instead of doing
parish duties. He was known as the pastor who was never at his
parish, drove the big car and spent his time each day at the golf
course. Guinette was know by other priest as being “slick” in him
ministry and knew how to push that spotlight onto their directions.
Priest were asking the Bishop,
at clergy meeting, if any of the Diocesan Capital Campaign Fund
Drive, which was being conducted, going to be used to pay sexual
abuse suites. The Bishop told them that no funds of this drive were
going to be used.
Then the questions was asked of
the Bishop abut the statue of limitations issue. He responded that
all that of time issue meant nothing to abuse cases.
So, my case was in the realm of
a mystery. What I getting was the “statue of limitations” and “just
go away from the Diocese. Bishop Reilly did tell me in one of the
our meetings that he was not able to assign me because I had a suite
against me. But, what kept resonating was his question at this
particular meeting: What did they (Chancery Mob) do to you here
(Chancery/Bishop’s Residence)? Bishop Reilly was asking me what
Harrington’s “Hit Squad” did to me? This question has more
ramifications than I believe it had at that point. I believe there
are civil and canonical implications on the Church’s part?
December 12, 1998
I had a interesting
conversation with Martti Peltola who had been helping me with
computer work. He said to me “courage” in what I was encountering.
He reminded me that Dan Rather of CBS News uses that term in his
One immediate conversation that
occurred this day was with Connie Rivard. I saw her practically
every day. But, this day talking with her, she made a peculiar
statement to me: “There must be some truth in what has been written
(about my case) .” What I was surprised with in her statement was
that Connie and myself talked a number of times of what I
experienced and overall explanation of my case to her. But, I
realized that certain in-laws of Connie and her acquaintances never
accepted me as Pastor or any logical explanation of my case. I knew
that she defended me to these critics. But, they were never happy
with anything but a “gloom-and-doom” version. She was defending me
and those certain individuals already were following a picture that
“painted-by-the-numbers.” These people had perceived judgments. When
Connie made that statement to me, I was somewhat surprised and
realized she was getting it from all sides about my case. Time was a
factor that was being used against me. The technique of the
Worcester Diocese of “warehousing” me and people not hearing
anything from me directly was a major factor of out-of sight, out-of
mind. This was being played out by the powers-to-be.
December 17, 1998
In my next scheduled
appointment with Dr. Zeman had me listening to statements on his
part that had me again realize- I was history.
He talked tome how how the
Worcester Diocese had warehoused me. He then said how my allegations
were long ago. Now what? He suggested, as I understood him, to keep
coming back for counseling to overcome my “fears.” I believe he was
insinuating that he was able to help me with that part. What I,
also, sensed was that he was directing me to give myself a Christmas
present by talking to someone of “job counseling” direction.
Again, I had the difficulty to
relate to Dr. Zeman that I am in a “vocation” and not a “job
change.” If there is to be this direction, I will have a lawyer sit
next to me when I have to meet with the Bishop on any future issue.
December 19, 1998
I read an article in America
magazine of this day- December 19, 1998 entitled “Sexual Abuse
Discussed At Synod.” Auxiliary Bishop Geoffrey J. Robinson of Sydney
reported that “sexual, physical and psychological abuse by priest
and religious is a major obstacle to preaching the Gospel in Ocenian.”
This article continued that it raise the “most open treatment of
sexual abuse at a Vatican forum since U.S. bishops raise the issue
in meeting with Pope John Paul II and other officials in 1993. At
that time many at the Vatican saw it as an ‘American’ problem, but
times have changed. Bishop Robinson told the media ‘And this is the
tip of the iceberg.’ Italy and other countries only now appear to be
coming to terms with the problem. The recent Italian cases have
included church personnel, but as Bishop Robinson emphasized, sexual
abuse is ‘a problem of the whole world, not must the Catholic
Church.’ “ 42
I, always, watch anything that
relates to 1993. This was when I heard from Fr. Lynch of “the
dragnet is going through the water” with Bishop Harrington’s
performances against my character.
December 20, 1998
I visited Bob O’Brien at his
Bob’s Hot Dog Truck to wish him a Merry Christmas. Out of no where,
he says to me in his truck that I considered a “pervert” by some
people. I had to get my name cleared in the newspaper and media to
change that label. He was unhappy about saying it to me and said
this to me because the Worcester Diocese or anyone else do about my
I was caught by this reaction
on Bob’s part towards me. It was like another punch in the stomach.
December 25, 1998
I said Christmas Mass in “The
Cave.” I said my Divine Office and the Christmas Readings were the
“Message of Incarnation” of Pope St. Leo. I gained strength from
this readings and private reflection with celebrating the Eucharist
I struggled with another issue
this day of where the Gizas said nothing about me attending their
Christmas Eve dinner which was part of how I now was celebrating. I
noticed when I spoken by phone with the Gizas a few days before and
that they both were “jumpy” in our conversation. In that phone call,
they told me that they were going to have 40-45 people for New
Year’s Day Dinner. They never invited me or asked if I was
interested to come for this gathering. This was another of those
“punch in the stomach” experiences. These people were who I
considered to be a “step-family.” But, I realized that it was always
Stanley and Kay Giza that were the core of this concept for me.
Obviously, it did not go any further than them. By the Gizas’
nervousness that I detected in the phone call, it was another
experience of being alone in life’s journey.
December 28, 1998
I had an interesting
conversation with some friends from Leominster, It seemed their
son-in-law, Tim was becoming a Catholic in a parish north of Boston.
He and his wife were members, at one time, of the Boston Church of
Christ. They moved and were married in the Southwest and returned to
the Boston area. Tim decided he wanted to became a Catholic which he
wife was previous to her joining the Boston Church of Christ. I was
told that Tim went to the area Catholic Church and met with pastor.
The good Monsignor told Tim that he would only have to take a few
instructions with the Monsignor in private to become a Catholic.
There was no talk or anything of the R.C.I.A process for Tim.
Supposedly, the Monsignor told him that he was beyond the R.C.I.A.
and gave him individual instructions. I was told that Tim “got his
teeth in Church Dogma”.
I was told that Tim them
related in the whole issue of my particulars with a statement: “The
Church got rid of all it’s “bad apples.”( Priest’s Allegated) I was
told that the Monsignor was a priest who knew he wanted to be a
priest as a little child. When he made his First Communion, he knew
he wanted to be that priest. The Monsignor, according to Tim, never
had a question of what he was to be and do. Tim related that the
Monsignor had no Parish Council and only a Finance Committee. But,
Tim said that this parish was run very much “up on the board.”
I knew Tim somewhat and
realized he was a staunch Fundamentalists in religion and life’s
issues. But, Tim told his in-laws that anything in religion had to
be proven in specific words and point to it in the Bible. Tim said
that he needed that type of approach as knowing what time and day he
had salvation given to him.
So, the Monsignor instructed
him that here is the question (argument) and gave him the specific
answer. They had a step by step approach to every issue in Tim’s
instruction- issue and detail by detail answer. It sounded as though
even The Baltimore Catechism may have too radical for this
this of instruction.
I knew Tim somewhat. He was a
person who thought that people should debate a “certain way” and not
be argumentative. This definitely was a certain type of personality.
Tim carried his basic fundamentalist approach from the Boston
Church of Christ into his Roman Catholic model.
I did get a chance to have a
pizza with Tim. We had know each other for some time. He told me
somewhat of a summary of what the in-laws told me. He said that he
was told that he did not need the R.C.I..A. because he was beyond
that in that the Monsignor and himself studied Dogma for him to
become Catholic. Tim related that the Monsignor was able to take the
Inquisition and give a total breakdown of what happened in Tim’s
instruction. Tim described how he got his “teeth” into The Church of
Christ. So, Monsignor gave him private lesson on the Dogmas of the
Catholic Church. Tim had everything in the Dogma picture. What that
may mean was whatever Tim wanted as a answer was Dogma. It is
different where things had to be black and white. Most people
operate in the gray area s of life. But that was not the way with
Tim and the Monsignor.
December 31, 1998
It was the last day of the year
and I made a list of a number of thoughts I was contemplating in the
past month of the past year or so:
I was getting fewer calls from
people that I considered my friends. The phone in my room was silent
with deafening silence.
Not being invited to the Giza
clan New Year’s Day celebration had me in a downer attitude.
I recalled how in 1993, Bishop
Rueger, in one of those “hot house kitchen” interrogations, saying
to me: “The only place you (Ted) would be going was a monastery.”
I was wondering about a
conversation I had with my cousin John Bish who said he was going to
get me a lawyer to fight with my case. Johnny said : “You were
set-up.” I never heard anything more about this lawyer from him
again.. But being “set-up” had me reflecting on how the Diocese was
protecting certain people. Then Bishop Reilly’s question to me at
the November meeting: “What did they do to you here?” )Bishop
It was bothering me what Bob
O’Brien said: “You are know as a pervert until the Diocese clear
your name in the newspaper.”
The “Poster Boy” label that
Attorney Carey told me. He said it was what the Diocese was using
against me for to get media and lawyers off their cases off the
front page. This may have been the new National Policy of the
Catholic Church and the Diocese was going to use my to be the
example. Was this the “dragnet” that Fr. Lynch told me about. It
must have been the notorious comment by Bishop Harrington: “Your
guilty till proven innocent.” In plain English- you are gone
I recalled how G. Ronald Leger
of Westminster told me that I should worry about Msgr. Edward
Tinsley of the Diocese of Worcester. He was rumored to have been the
one that ran the Diocese when Harrington was Bishop. G. Ronald told
me this after he had a meeting concerning me with Harrington and
Tnsley. This was an interesting insight of G. Ronald.
I was feeling as a non-person
by the Diocese of Worcester. There was an article printed in The
Catholic Free Press about Steve Gemem of St. Edward’s ,
Westminster. My name was never mentioned as a previous pastor or
I felt duped. But, I
tried to explain it as a mystery, a puzzle as something to be
The issue of debunking
popular thinking in where people thought they knew what was going
on. No one knew who was on first and what was on second.
A huge concern of mine
was in how the Worcester Diocese was “warehousing” me. I had the
story of stories about Bishop Harrington, Msgr. Mannin with Grace
Talbot, Bishop rueger, Msgr. Collette and Robert Chatrand of
Westminster and “The Boys-In-The-Band.”
Therefore, I kept
dialoging, finish my task, tried to keep patient and did not change
my dynamics of collegiality and shared responsibility model of
A good summary from a
positive direction for me to carry during this holiday season was a
Christmas card that I received from Mrs. Anita Dube of St. Edward’s,
Westminster. She wrote: “It bothers me that your situation is still
in limbo. Please take heart that I think of you often and remember
how you made me consciously think of my faith and religion. How it
made me aware of others in a real way. I miss that structure
you inflicted. I have tried to adjust to the change of leadership.
But so far, it’s been a bit frustrating.”